Meet Up

I joined an internet group for Duluth mothers on Meet Up. I am hoping to make some new friends, ideally a couple who have kids around the same age as Benjamin. After backing out twice, I finally made it to an event yesterday - May Day coffee. It was sort of a drive but I figured it would be worth it if I met some interesting people. My conclusion? Meeting people is hard.

I arrived at the coffee shop about five minutes early and headed in. A woman was there with her baby. I introduced myself and we started chatting. Her son is 7 months old and a real cutie. I ordered a drink. A third woman, the organizer, came in with two boys (6 yrs, and 20 months). She had us move to a different part of the shop and we sat down. I felt all awkward and in the way with my infant seat and diaper bag. It was just us three for awhile and it was OK, I just felt like I was on a different wave length than the organizer was, but I was enjoying getting to know the other woman w/the 7 month old. We had some in common because we are both first time moms, both new to the meet up group, and she just bought a house. Then more woman began to come with kids of all ages. There were six women in total. While more women were coming in Benjamin started to get fussy so I got the bottle out to feed him, only to discover it had leaked all over my diaper bag, meaning I did not have food for him and I had a giant mess. I tried to give him the ounce that was left but the bottle kept leaking. We were both covered in milk. I knew I should just feed him. I am all for breast feeding in public in theory, but have NO experience really. When I am out and about I always just stop in the car to feed him, or in a nice nursing room at the mall. But I knew it was either feed him or leave, so I went ahead and did it very awkwardly. I must have looked ridiculous trying to juggle him etc, and the fact I had just tried to give him a bottle, and I hardly knew these women. (I was not the only one breastfeeding, but the other woman clearly was a pro). *sigh* totally ridiculous. When he was done eating, there were all these woman settled in and I had no idea who they were, and they all knew each other. They were all perfectly nice, but I certainly felt out of place. Then the one woman I was getting to know had to leave because her son was fussing (nap time). Then I really felt out of place and I don't think the woman on my other side liked me much. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Then Benjamin got fussy (also needing a nap) so I headed out. I didn't have a bad time, but I came home in a really bad mood for some reason. I think its just the stress of it, and the worry that I won't make friends. Meeting new people is so dang hard.

River Dog

River was our fifth pet, our second dog. Lets face it, she never was a great fit with our lifestyle. River was very energetic and she needed real obedience/discipline. DH and I are pretty sedentary and we have no "stick to it" so to speak so real discipline did not happen. She can be so incredibly cute and sweet at sometimes! She loves to lay as close to you as possible (or on top of you), and despite our fears she was good with baby, very concerned if baby was OK. However, she also would chew up anything, she had some resource guarding issues, she would get restless in the evenings and want to play fight with our other dog in the middle of our small family room. She has such short hair that she has no tolerance for cold. The short version of this story then is that when we decided to move to Minnesota, we had to seriously consider what to do about River. There was three main problems - our general lack of control of her, her being unwelcome at our interim home of my parents house due both to her temperament and my mom's allergies, and finally the problem with her cold tolerance. We ended up deciding we couldn't keep her and if at all possible it would be better for her to be left in Ohio where the weather is not so extreme. We found a rescue for her to go to, but at the last minute my aunt and cousin decided to take her in. We are simultaneously very relieved and happy to have her in a good home, and very guilty feeling because (1) we feel like we "dumped" her on my cousin, who has taken in many dogs that her friends/family have made poor decisions in adopting and (2) we failed to live up to our own standards of pet ownership.

And that is what this post is really about, the fact that I feel like a complete hypocrite. I think I have always been sort of a hypocrite when it comes to pet care, but this takes the cake. I have always believed that when you take on a pet they are not just a possession or a luxury, but a living creature you are responsible for and cannot just decide to get rid of because it would be convenient. I generally dislike the idea of getting rid of a pet for any reason besides their own best interest. This is why when I talk about our decision to re-home River I tend to emphasize the weather, but in all honesty the pure convenience had just as much to do with it. The fact is, I am a hypocrite and need to deal with that and probably will feel guilty for the next ten years about giving up River. That, and as nice as it is to not deal with her bad behavior, I really do miss her cuteness.

Confession

I admit it. I am incredibly anxious about the upcoming move. Not so much the logistics, but as much as we have wanted and talked about moving to Duluth, actually having it happen so quickly is incredibly nerve wracking. I worry if we are making the right decision. I worry about whether the finances will work out. I worry about if we have more here in Columbus than we realize and will regret the move. I worry that DH will be unhappy. I worry that I will be unhappy. Those are the big ones.

I keep returning to this George Eliot quote, a mantra of sorts, "Some discouragement, some faintness of heart at the new real future which replaces the imaginary is not unusual." Its a reminder that what we imagine something will be like is never actually how it feels when it happens, and that that is normal and we need to give ourselves a chance to adjust to change, even change we want. OK. I am not sure that is what George Eliot meant at all, but this is what it means to me.

I just wanted to admit how nervous I am. That is all.

New Years Resolutions 2012

My New Years Resolutions in 2011 were quite ambitious, and many of them went out of the window as soon as I got into the process of being pregnant. That said, I did make some progress on some of them, and completed others. I am going to focus on what I did accomplish for a minute. I did watch several new classic movies. I did try many new groups and musicians (by new, I mean new to me, like Guns & Roses, etc). I did read SOME books that were recommended to me. All of this happened in the first quarter of the year. I did go to a new location - Boston. I Did go to 3 performances in Columbus (Les Miserables, The Hobbit, A Night with the Captains). I did try new restaurants in Columbus, and tried some new activities in cities that were old to me - like going to the Brown's game in Cleveland. I ate better (more fruits and veggies) and took my vitamins regularly. I did get a sewing room set up, got new carpet, and cleaned out the yellow office (admittedly, to make it a nursery). I am not going to list all of the things I failed at, but I did do somethings I had planned to do. I guess the good thing about making LOTS of resolutions is your bound to complete some of them!

Now, onto 2012. It is hard to choose resolutions for this year because there is a number of complicating factors, the biggest obviously being the fact I am about to make one of the biggest transitions in life and become a parent. I have no idea how this will go and whether some my ideas for resolutions are under or over ambitious. On top of this, there is also the move to Duluth, so my living situation will be quite uncertain for sometime, making it more difficult to make resolutions about anything involving physical organization, cooking, food, etc, which are popular topics for me. That all said, I do want to make some resolutions because I enjoy working towards goals. I will reevaluate these in March (after the first quarter) to see if they are still viable a nd if there is anything I want to change or add


1. Reading - Read for at least 10 minutes each day, either an adult book or articles. Read 24 books throughout the year.

2. Blogging - Post at least two blog posts a week, with the intention for one to be baby update related and other to be non-baby update related (not meant to exclude other commentary on parenting).

3. Record Keeping - Take more pictures and videos. Keep up to date with a baby book, and perhaps pair this with a weekly or monthly journal to jot down how I am doing as a new parent.

4.Get a new job in Duluth


That's it for now! Wish me luck.

Quick Update

DH has been out of town since early yesterday morning. I am about 50% of the way through his trip, crossing my fingers (and legs, lol) that I don't go into labor. Obviously it is still early but I can't help but be paranoid, especially since I have had a lot more cramping etc (which could be early contractions) in the last couple of days.

I came home from work at 11am today. Used sick time for my own mental health. The ridiculous pregnancy hormones were messing with me. I also was really tired, and I have no idea why. I mean, besides the obvious "I am 38 weeks pregnant", I got plenty of sleep last night and it was good sleep.  (Only got up once overnight to pee, only woke up once because of being uncomfortable). So I am home napping this afternoon.

I  thought I had a bunch more to say, but that is it for now!

Big Changes Ahead

There is so much going on here, and so little at the same time.

DH is interviewing for a job in MN this upcoming Friday. He will be gone Thursday-Saturday. Hopefully baby does not come. I don't think the baby will come, there are not many signs of progress, but I can't help but be nervous about it. We will see how contrary this baby is I guess!! We will have even more stress if DH is offered the job, some big decisions to make as it could be a very stressful move, and would also be choosing to lower our income significantly, but we would be where we wanted to be, and closer to a family support system.  There are SO many variables and some big decisions upcoming.

Because of this interview, a lot of stuff that was on my baby "to do" list is being put off, because its things that are counter productive if we end up moving soon, like finishing hanging decorations in the nursery, assembling the crib (we have the pack&play up and running for those early months), getting the second car seat installed, etc. Its a holding pattern in many regards.

I know I have not been posting much. I don't know when I got out of the habit of posting, but I did, and I definitely want to get back INTO the habit as this blog is about keeping people up to date on my life, and with the baby people will want even more updates. I am pretty sure this will be one of my New Years resolutions.

Last weekend we went to get the Christmas Tree. I have pics from this, but our camera has died, so I can't get them  off easily. I will need to borrow someones camera to switch memory cards with, or find someone w/a card reader. Also, we need to replace the camera ASAP. Its a horrible time for it to die. We are debating getting an SLR, but I think we will end up with a point and shoot for now, especially with all the uncertainty. Its difficult to decide. But, the house is all decorated for Christmas. I bought stockings for DH and I since we don't have any here in Columbus, having never spent a Christmas here.

If the house decorations are not enough to get us in the Holiday Spirit, I also had a number of Christmas celebrations this week, the two most notable being our Annual Holiday lunch on Friday with my work unit, and the Nestie Christmas Party on Saturday night. Both were great and I got great secret santa gifts.

In one final note, I wanted to comment on something that won't matter to anyone except the nesties that read this. So a few months ago (August/September), there was a huge bit of drama on my message board I use and it split into two. The new board was meant to me more welcoming and inclusive than the old board had become. I am still a member of both boards. This week there were parallel posts that allowed real insight into how different the two boards are even after such a short time separated. On both boards there was a post about the Duggar's - the TV reality stars of "19 Kids and Counting" who just experienced a very late (20week) miscarriage on their 20th pregnancy. On the new board, the response was overwhelmingly and exclusively "that is so sad/tough, would never wish that on anyone, its making me tear up, can't imagine how hard that is for them" etc etc etc. On the old board the response was "that is sad, they really shouldn't be trying for kids, they are not being good parents" etc etc etc. I am pretty sure when I need support I will be posting on the new board, thank you very much.

Organized? Not so much.

Yesterday I forgot my wallet and today I forgot my cellphone. I just can't keep all of my pieces together! I never could. I cannot even tell you how many times my parents had to bring me things at school that I had forgotten - backpack, assignment, violin, forms... you name it. Or Girl Scouts! I always forgot my permission slip. Sometimes we had to swing by my house on the way out of town to get my mom to sign it. More evidence of my lack of organization.

Forgetting my wallet yesterday sort of messed me up all day. I realized I did not have it when I was at Starbucks in the morning. I had already ordered at the drivethru and when I pulled around to pay, I had no way to pay. Really embarrasing. I had a handful of change. The Starbucks people were super nice and spotted me the drink, and I had enough change to pay for the pastry. I seriously love that place. I tipped them big time today for their kindness yesterday... which is I am sure what they hoped for. LOL. Anyways. I did not have my wallet, so I could not get my normal "mid morning" snack, so I did not feel well pretty much all day.

Today forgetting my cellphone means two things... one, I will be bored most of the day, and two, I can't check to make sure everything is alright in Duluth. Normally I would assume everything was alright with my family unless I heard otherwise, but I had a bunch of bad dreams last night, some of which involved my family in Duluth, so I would really prefer to just get an "all OK!" from their neck of the woods. I have an email feeler out to try and get the confirmation I want, but its so much slower than text. I might have to give them a call from my work phone a bit later today if they don't respond!

I painted pottery w/friends two weekends ago and just got to see the results yesterday. My piece turned out well, and the process reawakened my creative drive. The problem is I really want to go paint pottery again, or do wheel throw or something, rather than completing the artistic/crafty projects I have going already (mostly sewing) that need completing. I also have felt a bit more motivation that last few days w/regards to cleaning, which is definetly a good thing! DH and I sorted a giant mound of laundry on Monday night, and the bedroom is cleaner (or at least less cluttered) that it has been in several weeks. It still could use some vacuuming and such. The pet hair really tends to build up in their because the dogs are in their all day and our larger dog sleeps on the carpet up there at night.

On Sunday we went to a baby shower for our waitress. I know, that is not a sentence one hears very often! We got to trivia every single week, and we have had the same waitress for trivia for the last 2 yrs. Once a week for two years... that is more often and regular than I see most of my friends! She is 8 months pregnant, due August 1st, and had her shower on Sunday. It was a very chillaxed shower - couples (not just girls), basically hanging out on her back stoop/yard, eating food and talking. We did play one relay game and she opened presents, but mainly we just sat there. It was super relaxing, even though we did not know anyone.

In addition to our waitress being pregnant, many of our trivia friends are moving soon. The result is that the era of trivia is about to either end, or change drastically. July 13th will be the last day of "regular" full teamed trivia. If trivia continues after that it will be with a reduced team and a different waitress - it will never be the same. It is sad, and really increases the urge for us to get going on our own move out of town. J&L, the leaders of our trivia team, move to Kentucky on 7/20. Our other friends S&J move to Georgia by 8/2. We have friends moving just north to Sunbury, but they won't come down to Hilliard for trivia and thats the only place we see them. My friend M is leaving for her field research at the end of July, she will be there 2-3 months. So who will still be here? My friend R and her DH J are here for now, but they are like us in planning to move as soon as they can get jobs (for them it will likely be Colorado). Our good friend T is staying in town for at least another year, but as much as we like him, we see him very rarely. That might change with all these other people leaving! I of course still have my nestie friends, and DH has a few work friends, but our base of friends is shrinking dramatically - especially the type of friends that we call up and say "hey, you want to do something?". I guess that is just life. Maybe if trivia fully disinegrates, as I predict, I will start taking a wheel throw class on Wednesday nights.

I had a facebook friend predict that everyone would get migraines today (that gets them) because the temperature was expected to drop 10 degrees in a very short ammt of time due to these big storms moving through. I don't think it got as hot as was expected yesterday, but there still was a big temperature drop. I was pleasantly surprised to wake up without a migraine, but I had to admit things are touch and go in the sinus dept - some tightness and looming problems. Hopefully nothing comes of it, because I definitely don't want to miss trivia tonight given the above information!!

PS: My Dad emailed me back. Everything in Duluth is fine. Good to hear.

Speaking of...

From Thursday afternoon to Sunday afternoon was the single parent to two dogs, three cats, and one future child. I posted this on facebook and many people commented that the future child was easy to take care of. I still contend that the future child is the hardest of the 6!! Future Child, hence forth dubbed FC, prevents me from walking the dogs or cleaning up after the cats, drains my energy, tells me not to eat things all the time, and makes me walk slow. But, I still like FC. Quite a bit.

Speaking of FC. I knew from an academic perspective my "morning" sickness could get worse, but I guess I had sort of assumed it wouldn't because it has held constant for 2 or so weeks now and I am nearing the time when morning sickness is supposed to abate (in like 2 weeks), so I was sort of caught off guard over the last couple of days when it significantly worsened. Now I am having issues getting enough calories, and, this is TMI, but I actually vomited for the first time today. Until now it has just been nausea. And can anyone explain to me why tacobell still appeals to me even when I can hardly stomach anything? Anyone?

Speaking of food, I went out for BBQ with a friend on Saturday afternoon - and the resteraunt (Hoggy's) didn't have potato salad!!! What is up with this columbus? All BBQ places should carry potato salad, the end. I went out because I wanted to, but also to make DH jealous. He was doing something to make me jealous - he was at KungFu Panda 2 with my brother and FSIL and I wished I could be there, but I knew he would wish he could go out with me and T for BBQ.
Speaking of DH being out of town, I was amazed by the support I got while DH was out of town. I know I have friends and family here, but I had always wondered in the back of my mind if I really had anyone here I could count on in a crunch, and the answer is clearly yes. Two of my couple friends - R&J and J&S, along with my cousin B, made sure the dogs got walked twice a day. My friend R (same as from R&J) also helped me pick up after the cats. My aunt came over to help with some lingering medical stuff, and brought my veggies I was craving one night. I also had all of these people, as well as 3 other friends in town, tell me I should call them if I needed anything or had any problems. It was pretty great to realize how much support we have here.

Speaking of here versus other places. I am pretty sure I have mentioned on here that DH and I would like to move back to MN, preferably Duluth. Well, the reason he was out of town was for a job interview in Duluth. Unfortunately he did not get the position. It is pretty disapointing. We thought he was a strong candidate because they flew him up there for it (we expected to pay for the ticket), but alas. He got a nice little vacay with my family though. We will continue to apply for jobs. The worst part is today I feel like the weather is just making fun of me and mocking me. Yesterday it was 102 in the Twin Cities and 57 in Duluth, as if to say "yeah, you know there is a big diff between living in your hometown and just making it back to MN!!" and then today it is supposed to be 98 degrees here and it is again around 55-60 in Duluth. As if to say "you know you want to be here, ha ha at you!". I hate heat.

Speaking of heat. I was surprised with a miserable new pregnancy symptom on Saturday night - hives all over my body. Itchy as heck. And yes, heck is itchy. Since that time I have decided I think it was triggered by spending so much time on Saturday out in the sun. Multiple friends have reported that they had this problem while they are pregnant, and I can't really come up with any other trigger or allergic exposure. Note to self - avoid being out in the heat as much as possible, even if its shady and its for something fun. At the moment I am still getting very mild hives under my clothes, or from where I lay at night- you know, any skin surface that is really constricted and gets hot and sweaty? But it is improving drastically every day.

Speaking of something fun, the thing I was doing out in the sun was attending the Victorian Village garage sale. I think its technically called the Short North garage sale, but that is just weird since its not really at the Short North. I went with 4 friends and we had a blast. I bought some VHS and books, but my real treasure of the day is a new lamp, one that is very adult and pretty and both DH and I like. It is blue with red flowers and gold detailing. I would say I would post a pic, but we all know by now that probably won't happen. You all will just have to visit me to see it.

Speaking of visits. I apparently forgot to tell you all about a massive dinner party we had with 10 guests. It was 1930s theme and was a murder mystery party with a formal sit down 7 course dinner, canopes before hand, and coffee afterwards. I am sure it will be the fanciest thing I am ever involved in planning.

Speaking of planning. I have spent the last 3 weeks or so avoiding planning past this week and now am left in this strange situation mentally where everything seems disorganized/unplanned when nothing really has happened to make it such. I seriously have not committed to any plans beyond this week. I have not made decisions about things to do for the summer or thought any more about the baby moon I hope to take at the end of the summer/early fall. I have not thought about what we will do for July 4th or what needs to happen with the gardens or summer projects or revised resolutions for the rest of the year, or anything. Time to start thinking about these things I guess!!

Speaking of thinking... I am all out of thoughts. Hope you enjoyed my post.

Actually I lied. Last thought of the day: It is way to fricking hot. I just tried to walk the dogs with DH and only made it 3/16 of the way around before having to turn around!!

The News

I know. Its been a while. And its not like things have not happened, because they have. I am not sure exactly why I have been avoiding posting. I even have two emailed posts saved from a couple of weeks ago that I never posted. Its not because I am too busy, or too sick. I think it is because I am not sure what I want to say.

If you are reading this blog, you probably already know I am pregnant. If now - guess what! I am pregnant!! LOL.

Let me cover the basic questions:

When are you due/How far along are you? Our due date is Dec 29th - a Christmas or New Years baby is coming! DH wants it to be born before the New Years so we get the tax right off. I will be happy if it is born healthy and w/out incedent.
That do date, by the way, makes me 10 weeks along as of today (Thursday).

How are you feeling? Not great, but I guess that is to be expected. I have had "morning sickness" off and on since week 7 or so. I also have shortness of breath, dizziness, fatigue, and some other symptoms that are not topic for polite conversation.

Are you excited? Over the moon, thrilled, so happy.

Were you trying? (People actually ask this, which blows my mind). Yes. We were trying. Actually, saying we were trying is almost an understatement. We were trying, and if it were up to us this would have happened literally years ago.

Are you going to find out the gender? First, you really mean are we going to find out the sex. Second, no we are not. I don't want to. DH used to not want to. He is wavering, but I won't be swayed.

Do you have names picked out? We have a boys name picked out, have had it for years. I thought we had a girls name picked out, I had sort of been pushing it on Dh for years and thought he had accepted it, but now that it is "real" he wants to explore other options. We are having some difficulty agreeing. DH likes very view girls names and his opinion seems to change frequently. We will see what happens. And no, at least at this point we are not sharing any our name or name ideas.

Have you had a U/S? Yes, actually we are lucky enough to have had two already, one at seven weeks and one at nine weeks. Everything looks good, growth is right on track and at the second U/S the baby was moving and waving his "leg nubs" at us. It is literally awesome. Our next U/S won't be until 20 weeks(ish) and our next appt at all isnt until the end of June, which I find nerve wracking, but I guess thats life.

I know, all the above information is pretty basic. There is more to the story, but I am not sure I want to put it on this forum. But I am hoping this post gets me by any stalled trains of thought until I get around to deciding if I want to put it here or not.

Over and Over and Over

The motivation crash I reported at the end of February... well it has not swung back up.

And I am in a Harry Potter kick. Which is exactly what my New Years Resolutions were designed to prevent/remedy - you know, read new books and listen to new music instead of listening to the same stuff over and over, because how does the same thing over and over expand your knowledge or improve your life?

But sometimes the same thing over and over again is just what you want. I watched the first 4 harry potters in the last three days. I listened to movies 2&3 on CD about 4 times in the past 2 work day. I am about to go read the second book while watching the fifth movie, because that is what sounds good to me.

You all probably think I am insane. Or obsessed. Its catharsis, what can I tell you? Maybe if my motivation swings back the other direction I will get back to those resolutions...


(For the record, its not up to quota, but I have read 2 books from my recommended list and watched 1 classic movie in the last month. And I am 2/3 of the way through a second classic movie... so I am doing SOMETHING besides Harry Potter... just not as much as I could be).

Workplace Blues

More changes.

A sense of doom and "they are out to get us" is pervading my entire workplace and slowly my mind. Morale is so low and dropping everyday.

I need to start applying to Minnesota jobs.

Fake It...

I wrote out a decent lengthed post about my lack of motivation but relative productivity. The moral was "Fake it until you make it", or in this case, until you feel it.

I still don't feel it.

Thanks blogger for eating my post. I definitely don't have the motivation to re-write it.

Go Play Fetch

They have cut off access to blogspot at work, along with several shopping sites and other things. It won't be long before they get around to blocking my last remaining favorite link, my nestie message board. I feel like everytime I go onto it I am increasing its profile in our security system and likening the chances of it being blocked. I really would like an internet phone, but at the same time cannot justify the $400/yr price tag. Especially when there are so many possible changes in the future.

DH has started applying for jobs in Minnesota. We have not heard back about any yet. If he finds one, we may be moving within weeks. If he does not find one we may be here for ages. I may need a new car. Other costs may arise. We have been saving like crazy for the last three monthes and our bank accounts are starting to show the effort. It does not hurt those numbers that the stock market has been turning back around.

I have had so many thoughts for blog posts to write over the past week, but none of them have panned out because I don't really spend much time on the computer at home. Right now I intended to write a nice long post with lots of details and maybe even pictures, but I have a headache and really don't want to. So I resort to something I have been using all to commonly, the laundry list of thoughts and topics:

- I ran with River the last three days (Thurs/Fri/Sat). Very short, but I did it.
- Had Girls Day with some friends, went to a craft fair and then sat around and gossiped. Candied Cranberries are amazing.
- Made a chore chart this evening. More of a visual cue as to what we have done and need to do rather than directions for what specifically to do each day
- December marked the start of a new reading challenge. I once again was not lucky enough to get to create a task, but its always fun seeing what other people come up with.
- I am about on pace with my reading new years resolution
- I am starting to develop my new years resolutions for next year
- River ate another library book (goodbye $40). Why does she have a taste for those instead of my books which would be like $2 to replace?
- She also re-removed the pom off my hat that my Mom reattached while I was in MN. I don't know why she likes removing the pom and I don't know how she got access.
- My head hurts
- I have started to shower at night instead of in the morning. This is related to my running (in the evening), but also to goals for future changes to routine
- I really need to eat healthier
- I got more pictures printed for my office
- I am caught up at work
- Everytime I hear about people's health issues I analyze them from the Disability perspective
- I love half priced books
- Eclipse came out DVD this weekend, I went ahead and bought the BluRay/DVD pack w/all the extra trimmings.
- I have some Xmas decorations up but we have not yet got a tree. Apparently a lot of the tree farms are having issues and were not open long this year (as in, they already closed for the season??). So we are going to get one precut. Hopefully tomorrow night.
- I want to bake something fun.
- I have secret santa's to buy for.
- I am getting near done with Christmas shopping, just a few more people to go.
- We made our plans for Xmas and are taking a couple extra days compared to usual to see if that makes the travelling less troublesome. We will be out of town for 6 days.


I have to go. Gandalf wants to play fetch. I know this because he just brought me a pair of socks balled up from the bedroom, dropped them at my feet and started "meowing".

DULUTH!!!

I made it safely to Duluth.

I meant to post a couple of days ago about the adventures of packing, but I was too busy at work to do it. I was trying to clear my desk off before I left (figuratively, or clear my electronic desk as the case may be), and that kept me very busy. I did not quite succeed in that, but I did get it in pretty good shape and manage to leave the nasty ugly task that I was dreading undone, which is mean of me, but now my supervisor will probably do it while I am gone, and because my desk is in such good shape other than that she won't be mad or even think it unusual.

Anyways, packing. I am bad at it. Speaking of organizational issues... and I feel like packing for a long trip home is the worst. I never know what I may need. I need lots of warm bulky clothes as it is Northern Minnesota, but I also need lighter clothes for indoors. I need nice clothes to wear out when I visit old friends and for the Holidays, but I also need farm clothes that I can wear out with the horses or to play in the snow, but I also need clothes that is warm and comfortable to where under winter clothes when I am going around town. I need to pack winter boots and a coat, and also a warmer coat/parka. I need warm lounging clothes and pajamas. Do you see how this multiplies? So, instead of thinking through it logically I just start throwing everything in a bag, and therefore end up over packing. When I was done unpacking last night, I realized I probably brought something like 50-75% of my normally-used wardrobe, which by the way is just way too much. Oh well.

Anyways, I am in Duluth now. Life is good. DH will join me next Tuesday. Until then, he is stuck with our Bandersnatch (otherwise known as River). I meanwhile have been introduced to my parents two new dogs (one of which is actually my sister's on reserve). Ellie is an ancient Golden Retriever who seems very quiet and is very cute. Maya is the biggest Newfoundland I have ever seen. Massive. I thought our past Newfoundlands were big, apparently not.

Stupid Ankles and other Rambles

You know that ankle I twisted last week? Well, its still bothering me. Partially because I am an idiot and partially because my ankles suck. I am an idiot because I assumed it was not a big deal despite feeling that twinge of sprain and did not elevate, ice, or rest it. My ankles suck because... well, they just do. We have weak ankles in my family. My sisters and I have all had multiple sprained ankles. It was an annual occurence in soccer for me to sprain one, if not both ankles. My first sprain was in 8th grade and I got it walking across a tennis court. Notice: walking, on a flat surface. Talent. The joke has always been that I tripped on one of the lines. Anyways, the point is, my ankle still hurts and I need to start treating it better, you know, like I sprained it.


In other news... um. Maybe I don't have other news. This week is nice. I get tomorrow off. I am going to Trivia tonight. I am getting a lot of reading done. I am reading good books. I had a book club last night that was a lot of fun. I am looking for another book club. I am always looking for more book clubs. We might start one at work. I am already thinking about next years new years resolutions. I have not given up on getting organized, but I need to make it more concrete if it is going to happen. Did I mention I have tomorrow off? And I don't intend to spend it organizing. I do intent to spend it reading. Maybe we will go make a chore chart. DH is taking it off as well, just for kicks.

Um.. I think thats all? Bis spaeter!

OH! And two more books came into the library for me:
Linger by Maggie Steifvater, and
The Scarlett Pimpernel (another book for a book club).

Ah, November Air!

First, I encourage everyone to get out and vote. Yay democracy in action!

Second, apparently Novemeber is National Blog Month or something and there is a challenge to post everyday in November. I already failed that challenge by not posting yesterday. I started to write a post, but it was taking a political term and I do not write political things at work because of the state employee political action issues. I do plan to finish that post, hopefully on Thursday. So, I am not going to post everyday. I will try to reinvigorate the blog though!

Third. It is November. Back at the beginning of October I pointed out I had three months left to make any progress on my New Years Resolutions. Now I only have two months. It was not an organized month. Maybe I am just not meant to be organized. I will start projects or processes, they just don't last. I am not quite resigned to my fate yet. I started November off on the right note with a cleaning spree on Sunday. I think the main problem I have had with this resolution is my inability to come up with concrete goals associated with it. We had discussed having a chore chart, and I think we will do that this month. If it works it will be at least one thing. I also noticed that I have fallen a bit behind on my reading, and need to pick that up to read 40K pages. I really want to reach that goal!!

Blah

In high school we used to make list of "happy thoughts". These were lists of little things (or big things) that made us smile. They were chalked full of inside jokes, crushes, and other typical high school nonsense. I think though that the idea is a good one - a list of reminders of things that are good in life instead of just complaints. But, in order for a happy thoughts list to be effective at the moment I think I need to vent a few other things.

I have just sort of been in a funk. No really telling exactly why, though I have my suspicions. A cloud was cast over the weekend because on Thursday night River bit me. Now, River has bit me before, but this time was different. As usual, it involved resource guarding. We were in the bedroom and Grim had a nice rawhide. River had her own rawhide, but that hardly matters it seems. Anyways, River attacked Grim, I pulled her off. All of this is fairly standard at our house unfortunately. In the past when I have been bitten I have literally stuck my leg inbetween the dogs or some such thing in order to break up the fight. This time I had already pulled river off Grim and had her five feet away, off the bed, when she spun in her collar and bit my arm. Don't worry, its not serious. A nasty bruise, a cut that looks like it is nothing but bled a bit more than expected. Now all healing. We already have had issues with River, clearly, but this indecent throws into serious question whether we will be able to keep her in the long run. Aaron and I are not scared of River and feel no immediate threat. She still has not shown direct human aggression. We can still literally take food or rawhide out of her mouth if we want without being bitten. BUT, when happens if she is not so respectful of other people? If she does not see them as dominant/in charge as she does us? Especially with regards to kids. So... who knows that we will do. We are controlling the resources more. We are not giving her an inch in terms of rawhide or food. She now eats separately and chews rawhide separately from Grim. We of course will probably be doing more obedience. But ultimately I don't think any of these things actually solve the problem. She is resource aggressive towards other dogs, and when she gets wound up over this she snaps at anything that gets near her. Controlling the resources or teaching her to sit on command is not going to change this. I guess its just an issue we will deal with when we get there however.

I bet some of you are wondering why you did not hear about this sooner, thinking "I SPOKE with her on the phone, why did she not mention it?". I didn't mention it because I don't like retelling it over and over. I don't like the look of the people (or silence on the phone?) as they wait for me to account for what we are going to do about it. Lets just say it involves a lot of issues that are close to the heart.

Ok, so besides River, there has been some negativity at work. There was a contest for unit decoration my unit feels was unfairly judged, a meeting with the administration that turned into a complaint fest, and other various little things. Nothing major, just little bits here and there. Also, I have been having some difficulty concentrating at work. I used to always be ahead or at least caught up, but I have not been working as hard and therefore have not been as caught up, and I am not sure why, or how to fix it. (Note, I am still way ahead of the average, just not up to my own standards and abilities). This may be as much a symptom as a cause, who knows.

I have not hosted or had people over in FOREVER. I feel like the carpet in the front room has to be replaced or removed before I am comfortable having people over. It is in bad shape thanks to the combine efforts of the animals, to the point it is embarrassing. I am already up to $900 for its replacement (I am saving up my overtime), so we are getting there, but it would just make me really happy to have it taken care of.

As far as Halloween, I have just not been as into it as normal. I did not have any desire to host my usual pumpkin carving party (and didn't). I did not even carve my own pumpkin. I did not get a costume yet, though we have a working idea. I am at least excited for the halloween party. I uncharacteristically have the urge to pull out all my Christmas stuff 2 months early and start decorating for that. I have NO IDEA why. I mean, normally I am all about Halloween, and then Thanksgiving, and only want to decorate for Christmas when the time comes. But right now I seriously think some green and red would make things look nicer.

I am not excited about things I am reading. I have just completed two books (How Proust Can Change Your Life and Blood Diamonds) that are one star reads. My next two books are book club books. One is a re-read, which is a very good book but I am not in the mood for re-reads. The other is a new read but its by an author I have read before and found to be just OK.

I originally was going to start this post with complaints and end it with a list of happy thoughts, but it appears that I am just not in the mood for the good part (big surprise). The two main things that were going to be on the happy thoughts list though:

- Tomorrow is Rockbandholiday (Rockband 3 comes out)
- I get to go home to Duluth in 3.5 weeks

Autumn Commeth

Signs are popping up all over the place that summer is over and fall is on its way. There are a handful of leaves on the ground. The farmers market has pie pumpkins, sweet potatoes and gourds. There is pre-season football and we had our fantasy football draft. Halloween stuff is going out in stores. There is rumor that the pumpkin latte is about to return to Starbucks. Most of these signs are welcome. Unfortunately, the sign of fall that I most look forward to just does not want to come -- cooler weather. Today was over 90 degrees. I walked out for lunch and immediately felt like I couldn't breath (I am not sure if that is the temperature alone or the air quality warning). I want the cool bite of frost in the morning and the fresh crispness of fall. I boo this heat.

Fall means a few other things as well. September 1st means that we are about 2/3 of the way through 2010. I think its probably a good time to evaluate how I am doing on my new years resolutions. After all, there is still time to make progress.

(1) Get Organized!!This was my biggest goal of the year, and I knew it would be a big challenge, but I did not realize how difficult it would be to even get started. I am not ready to give up on this though. I have four months left, I should make atleast SOME progress on it. I still hardly know where to start though! I am just not an organized individual. I don't have a plan for how I am going to work on this, but I am going to try again.


(2) Cook More, Eat HealthierWhile I have been cooking more in the past few weeks, I overall have been failing at this. Part of it is the above - ORGANIZATION. Part of it is our current social habits. There is typically at least two nights a week where I am meeting people at a restaurant. However, I hope to continue what I have been doing the last two weeks (and perhaps improve upon it).


(3) ReadingI was kicking this challenge's butt, now I am just keeping pace. If you recall the goal was to read 40,000 pgs this year. My latest stat is that with 64% of the year gone I have read 62% of the needed pages. This means that I am about 800 pages behind. I am confident I will catch up and do fine on this goal. I have taken a "break" from reading somewhat this summer because I have been busy with other things, but I still am going along at a decent pace, and usually the start of the new season motivates me (new seasonal reading challenge). I am currently in the middle of two books, which if I finish them quickly will be enough to catch me up.

Burning Out

This past weekend our former roomate Ben visited and brought his girlfriend A to meet us. It was a quiet weekend. We spent the vast majority of it on the couches - playing video games or watching movies that A had somehow managed to not see (Down Periscope, Snatch). We watched the soccer games. Saturday's game was highly enjoyable, Germany beating Uruguay and high scoring game. Sunday's game, the World Cup Final, was probably the least enjoyable game I saw in the entire tournament. Depending on your point of view, either there was horrible diving and a ref who bought every scam sold to him, or a crazy violent game with loads of deserved penalties and yellow cards, smashing the previous record for such things. I tend to side with the first. Either way, the game was painfully slow without much good continuous play. Spain ended up winning 1-0. We also all went to see Eclipse (A wanted to go and taking Ben with us would make it more fun for DH to go). I enjoyed it again, but Ben, DH, and A all thought it was hilariously bad. Oh well.

I have been feeling very drained the last few days, burnt out, but I am not entirely sure "of what". I have a feeling its just the whole work-life balance thing. I feel like I am not doing anything well at the moment (except perhaps work). I am not a good housekeeper, I am not eating well, not training my dog well, not seeing my friends enough, not seeing DH enough, not doing any of the projects I want to do. I don't feel like its going to get better anytime soon. I think the feeling this weekend was accentuated by our dog's bad behavior. River still has some behavioral issues that seem to flare big time when we have house guests. The biggest problem is her desire to dominate Grim whenever other people are around. We need to get back to some sort of training routine, as we were seeing improvements when we had her in the obedience class. The problem is its hard to get into a training routine when we don't really have any sort of routine in our lives. OK. I know thats not entirely true. We get up, DH walks the dogs in the morning, I walk the dogs in the evening. Thats the extent of our routing. I have been gone so much and there is more craziness to come for another few weeks. I say another few weeks but really I am not sure there is an end. I almost just want to take a month off of activities outside the house. You know? Slow it down big time, establish some sort of routine, and then add stuff back in. The problem with that idea is I am pretty sure that it would end up driving us batty. Who knows. I don't think this is a problem that just gets fixed, its probably just a part of life.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

It is really hard to believe it is June already. Five months of the year gone. I am starting to think organization is impossible. For my birthday cake I had another three-trip to the store mess to get it done. So, the bad part about it being June is that there are some things I wanted to do this year which I have hardly started, so its bad to approaching the midpoint. The good thing about it already being June is that we are that much closer to football season. But we are not quite there yet, so I will have to settle for baseball.

Last night DH and I went to the Clippers. It is the first time I have been to their new stadium in downtown Columbus and have to say I think its genius. It is so open and casual, with so many options about where to sit and how to experience the game. I love it. And the vending selections are great to so that eating out at the game seems like a treat rather than a chore, even with the slightly elevated prices you would expect. We were there with DH's coworkers and it was a lot of fun. We only stayed for seven innings, but I look forward to going again. Now if we could just manage to make it to a Crew game, summer would really be in full swing.