Wednesday, November 16, 2011

All Positive

A couple of my coworkers were talking about pregnancy and two of them said they hated being pregnant. I chimed in and said that I loved being pregnant, which seemed to catch them off guard. I can't imagine hating it. One coworker responded with "well, if you have an easy pregnancy..." And while I certainly have not had a hard pregnancy by any means, I wouldn't say its been easier than average either, with the extended nausea well into the second trimester, the hospitalization, sciatica, swelling, etc. I have spent much of the pregnancy physically unwell or uncomfortable, which I think is pretty normal. But I still love it.It is a brief 40 weeks that I have no idea if I will ever get to experience again, a time when  the external world smiles upon me and wishes me the best of luck, when everyday is full of anticipation and preparation for a coming joy. I don't have to worry about whether I look chubby, I have an excuse for everything - acting stupid, being overly emotional, making mistakes. It is 40 weeks of precious memories - feeling babies movement, the look on Dh's face when he feels the baby move, laughing at myself for crying over ridiculous things, being able to snack and eat without feeling guilty, outgrowing my clothes, outgrowing my maternity clothes. I get to buy tons of stuff w/out feeling guilty. Its a pretty awesome time.

From a deeper, less materialistic perspective, while pregnancy is physically difficult, it is psychologically awesome. There is always something good in your life. If your work is frustrating, your house dirty, if you are tired, or throwing up, or the weather is not what you want, you still have that buzz, that knowledge, the idea in the back of your head that there is a little future child in their growing, and as the pregnancy moves on, the baby is moving and kicking and reminding you of its presence. What is not to love? How could I not be happy? How could anyone who wants to be a mother not be in love with this time?

Sometimes I wonder how much the difficulty I had getting pregnant contributes to this optimism and, well, basic underlying joy. If I had gotten pregnant easily, had multiple successful pregnancies, would this just be "another pregnancy" where I had to put up with morning sickness? Would I focus on the loss of brain cells and the physical discomfort rather than the amazing thought of a coming child and the scientific wonder of the baby's development? If I did not have the contrast of the dark months (lets be honest, dark years) of waiting in uncertainty and hopelessness, would I appreciate the pure hope and anticipation that pregnancy is?

I don't know. I like to think I would have loved being pregnant no matter what, but I also recognize that my perspective might be a little different than some. Imagine spending years trying to get something, trying to find something that you hoped would be the best part of your life, something you seem to have no control over, never knowing during those years if it was even possible. And then it happens. It comes with some negatives, some pain, some crying spells on the kitchen floor over ridiculous things, with new anxieties and stresses, but it comes with the knowledge that what you thought might never be, will be.

That is why I love pregnancy.


Allison said...

I'm one who loved (loves) being pregnant. Even this second time around, I love it. I loved it a little less in the beginning because I wasn't mentally prepared for pregnancy, but you're so very right about the positive perspective with everything. I can be in a long, horrible meeting and feel baby move (not yet with this baby, I don't think) and smile, even if the meeting is painful.

Oh, and I do want to tell you that, as far as the experiences I've had and the people I've known, you've had a pretty rough pregnancy. I love your outlook on the whole experience and am honestly impressed by you.

Manday said...

Thanks Allison!

Here is my perspective on whether this pregnancy is "difficult" - I have not had any problems with high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, or preterm labor. My uterus, placenta, cervix are all normal and doing what they should do. I do not have meds that I should be on for chronic problems that I had to stop (like anxiety, allergies, etc). I have had virtually no migraines (when it could have been that pregnancy aggravated my preexisting migraines).

So in comparison to all of those common difficulties, I feel like it has been pretty average!!

Sarah Dee said...

Amen sister!