This weekend was Mother's Day! I really didn't need, want, or ask for a huge fuss. I mean, I have plenty of good stuff in my life I don't need much extra. Mother nature did help me celebrate and have a fantastic weekend by having some decent weekend weather! Saturday was 65 and Sunny, and Sunday was sunny in the morning and then overcast in the afternoon.
On Saturday, we had Benjamin's last swim lesson. He probably won't be in swim lessons again for almost a year - we would be taking the summer off anyways, and with baby girl arriving in September, we probably won't be up for it for a few months after that. That is oK though, because I think he is "done" with the baby class. He has mastered many of the skills from the 6m-3y class, and can't move up until he is 3 years old (next January). The last swim class was a lot of fun. He can now walk in the entire shallow end of the kiddie pool!
After that, as has become traditional, we swung through Starbucks and then to the library. That boy LOVES the library. He used to focus on the toys, but lately it doesn't take him long (10 minutes at most) to become disinterested in the toys and start bringing book after book over to us to read. He especially loves any books with flaps, any books with trucks or vehicles, and books with onamonapeia (i.e. ... sound effects in the language). It was such a beautiful day, we decided to also hit up the park and take him to Playfront (a playground at Bayfront). It is a great playground, probably my favorite in the city. He is growing so fast. He will now due the "ladder" style devices in the young kids area, goes down the slides himself, and generally has a great time. It was nice just being outside with him.
Also, its so much easier/more relaxed taking him to the park this year compared to last year! We can just sit back on the outskirts, find somewhere to sit, and let him play. I mean, I might go over to verbally guide him up the ladder, but he can do pretty much everything he wants to on his own.
The afternoon was nap time (as usual) and was very pleasant. When he woke up, we headed back outside to play in our yard. He recently acquired a new T-Ball set, but he is more interested in using the bat as a fire house or jack hammer stand-in then actually playing t-ball (he also used it as a trumpet/trombone for a little while). We also brought out his Tonka trunk and big-wheel style bike. Again, it was so pleasant to just sit outside and watch him play.
In the evening we went out to dinner, an early mother's day, at Famous Daves BBQ. Delicious! And then took our first of what will be many strolls around canal park for the year. Ben LOVES the bridge and water, he asks lots of questions about the bridge, cars crossing it, and lighthouse. He liked standing on the big rocks, and just running around in general.
Sunday morning, DH got up with DS and I slept in. This is actually pretty standard. I get up Saturday, DH gets up Sunday. But this Saturday I was a bit more relaxed in my getting downstairs, took a nice long shower with Deadliest Catch playing in the background (that show is such an addiction guilty pleasure for me). When I came downstairs, DH had had Ben color a card for me, and Ben also gave me the things he made at daycare - a small potted flower just starting to sprout and an art project with his hand prints and photographs.
We eventually got moving and headed out to my parents house, where my Siblings (those available) joined me in preparing a Mother's Day brunch for my mom. My contribution was this recipe for Sweet Potatoe Quiche! My mom doesn't like traditional breakfast food. I remember being little, on vacation, at a restaurant that stated something about serving all food all the time. I don't remember the details. I do remember my mom tried to order Spaghetti for breakfast, was shot down by the wait staff, and was very disapointed. So... we decided to include Spaghetti in our brunch, and then rounded it out with fruit salad. The quiche was extremely good. I highly recommend it. Take note that it makes TWO full sized deep-pie crust quiches.
After a fun morning, we headed home for Benjamin's afternoon nap. I spent the better part of it cleaning our bedroom, which as usual had devolved into a disaster zone. Now its quite clean actually. Nesting, I think. Normally I would just nap. In the evening we spent a little time outside and then gave Benjamin a much-needed bath.
It was a really good weekend.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Sunday, May 4, 2014
The First Trimester (a Recap)
This post's main purpose is to document how my first trimester was different, physically and emotionally, in this second pregnancy than in my first.
More Anxious: My first pregnancy, we had announced it to the whole world by around 7 weeks, and I didn't have major qualms about it. I knew things could go wrong, but I figured they were more likely to go right. This time around, I felt much less sure things would go right, and it showed. I was much more cautious about what I ate, what I did, and who I told. While I did tell my immediate family and close friends immediately. I did not feel comfortable telling anyone else until we heard the heartbeat for a second time at 10.5 weeks. Even then I was unsure about telling. This is kind of unusual.. usually its first time mom's that are the most paranoid. A friend suggested that it was because this felt "too good to be true" and I suspect she was right. With Benjamin, we expected the treatment to work, so the pregnancy felt like it should "be". This time it was an awesome shock, it felt too good to be true, like something HAD to go wrong. That feeling has dissipated quite a bit now, thankfully!!
The Same Nausea: Just like in my first pregnancy, I had a lot of low-grade nausea starting around 6 weeks, but minimal actual vomiting... so pluses and minuses! I guess its better than barfing after every meal, but its still quite obnoxious.
Yes to Mexican Food!!: Like last time, Taco Bell (and Mexican in general) sounded way too good all the time!! Having a particularly nauseous day? Time to head for a 7-Layer Burrito.
Yes to Sweets! Last time I didn't crave sweets at all, and in fact was repulsed by many of them in the first trimester. This time around I craved sweets right alongside the salty. Particularly persistent cravings have been Skittles, S'mores (or anything with this flavor combination), Dr Pepper, and licorice.
More Involved: Last time I avoided pregnancy boards. This time I joined a bunch. Basically, these are online groups where all the women who are due the same month can communicate. I am in a Facebook Group with about 50 other September 2014 mommies to be, as well as on a national forum with about 50,000 September mom's to be (yes you read that right... 50K). It is unclear whether this increased involvement is the cause or result of the anxiety! LOL. I prefer to think its the result... I want other people to talk to about pregnancy. But, the downside of groups like this is that you see all the bad things that can happen. Many women have left these groups due to MC, birth defects, etc.
Same Body: I don't feel like I REALLY showed any early or am any bigger than last time. But I haven't had a chance to compare pictures either.
Lighter Starting Weight: I started this pregnancy off about 15 lbs lighter than my first pregnancy, and am just now, at 21 weeks, nearing my pre-Benjamin weight. I don't think I will get near as big, or have as much net weight gain as the first time around (but we shall see).
I can BREATHE! (or at least I could): Last pregnancy, I was extremely short of breath in the first trimester. That wasn't an issue this time around. I am confident that the difference is that last time I was on progesterone supplements for the first 10 weeks, and this time I was not. Of course I am getting short of breath now at 21 weeks.. but that is more expected!!
Less "Sunshine": My first pregnancy, being pregnant was like a talisman, no matter what was wrong, the fact I was pregnant (thinking of that) could turn my day around. This time it hasn't been so easy to stay upbeat. I am very happy to be pregnant, and it does make me smile to think about, but it can't solve everything like it could last time. I think that has a lot to do with the increased anxiety I experienced. Now that I am feeling baby move, its easier to be happy.
One "Scare": I didn't have any scares with my first pregnancy. This time around I did have some bleeding around 19 weeks that sent me into a panic. A visit to the doctors office revealed a harmless polyp.
Seeing as that last one got much more into 2nd Trimester.. I think that sums up the first!!
More Anxious: My first pregnancy, we had announced it to the whole world by around 7 weeks, and I didn't have major qualms about it. I knew things could go wrong, but I figured they were more likely to go right. This time around, I felt much less sure things would go right, and it showed. I was much more cautious about what I ate, what I did, and who I told. While I did tell my immediate family and close friends immediately. I did not feel comfortable telling anyone else until we heard the heartbeat for a second time at 10.5 weeks. Even then I was unsure about telling. This is kind of unusual.. usually its first time mom's that are the most paranoid. A friend suggested that it was because this felt "too good to be true" and I suspect she was right. With Benjamin, we expected the treatment to work, so the pregnancy felt like it should "be". This time it was an awesome shock, it felt too good to be true, like something HAD to go wrong. That feeling has dissipated quite a bit now, thankfully!!
The Same Nausea: Just like in my first pregnancy, I had a lot of low-grade nausea starting around 6 weeks, but minimal actual vomiting... so pluses and minuses! I guess its better than barfing after every meal, but its still quite obnoxious.
Yes to Mexican Food!!: Like last time, Taco Bell (and Mexican in general) sounded way too good all the time!! Having a particularly nauseous day? Time to head for a 7-Layer Burrito.
Yes to Sweets! Last time I didn't crave sweets at all, and in fact was repulsed by many of them in the first trimester. This time around I craved sweets right alongside the salty. Particularly persistent cravings have been Skittles, S'mores (or anything with this flavor combination), Dr Pepper, and licorice.
More Involved: Last time I avoided pregnancy boards. This time I joined a bunch. Basically, these are online groups where all the women who are due the same month can communicate. I am in a Facebook Group with about 50 other September 2014 mommies to be, as well as on a national forum with about 50,000 September mom's to be (yes you read that right... 50K). It is unclear whether this increased involvement is the cause or result of the anxiety! LOL. I prefer to think its the result... I want other people to talk to about pregnancy. But, the downside of groups like this is that you see all the bad things that can happen. Many women have left these groups due to MC, birth defects, etc.
Same Body: I don't feel like I REALLY showed any early or am any bigger than last time. But I haven't had a chance to compare pictures either.
Lighter Starting Weight: I started this pregnancy off about 15 lbs lighter than my first pregnancy, and am just now, at 21 weeks, nearing my pre-Benjamin weight. I don't think I will get near as big, or have as much net weight gain as the first time around (but we shall see).
I can BREATHE! (or at least I could): Last pregnancy, I was extremely short of breath in the first trimester. That wasn't an issue this time around. I am confident that the difference is that last time I was on progesterone supplements for the first 10 weeks, and this time I was not. Of course I am getting short of breath now at 21 weeks.. but that is more expected!!
Less "Sunshine": My first pregnancy, being pregnant was like a talisman, no matter what was wrong, the fact I was pregnant (thinking of that) could turn my day around. This time it hasn't been so easy to stay upbeat. I am very happy to be pregnant, and it does make me smile to think about, but it can't solve everything like it could last time. I think that has a lot to do with the increased anxiety I experienced. Now that I am feeling baby move, its easier to be happy.
One "Scare": I didn't have any scares with my first pregnancy. This time around I did have some bleeding around 19 weeks that sent me into a panic. A visit to the doctors office revealed a harmless polyp.
Seeing as that last one got much more into 2nd Trimester.. I think that sums up the first!!
Friday, May 2, 2014
Toddler Bully (and blossoming big brother)
I got a bad report from daycare today. Benjamin got in trouble. He dumped his oatmeal on another kids head. (Twice... but lets not get into this part because I think its a daycare fail he was given a second bowl). He thought it was funny. I was also informed that he always targets the same child, someone smaller than him. No parent wants a report like this. It was much easier when he was the kid getting bit... its easier to be the parent to the victim than the aggressor, at least in the Toddler room.
As soon as we left the toddler room I sat him down to talk to him. I asked if he had done what they said, and he said he had, that it was funny. I said it wasn't funny, it was mean, very mean, and he shouldn't be mean. He seemed to get it, but I wasn't sure. Later, when DH joined us in the car, I told Benjamin to tell Dad why he got in trouble. Benjamin very reluctantly said "I dumped my oatmeal on someones head". DH said it wasn't nice. I said it wasn't nice. You could feel the tension in the car. A few seconds past, then DS said in the most pitiful, guilty-feeling voice ever - "Next time I will eat my oatmeal". I am pretty sure he gets he shouldn't dump oatmeal on someones head now... I just hope he can extrapolate it a bit to other behavior. At a minimum, to "I shouldn't dump food on other people". If we are lucky it would be "I won't be mean". But, I don't think he is old enough to understand what is mean and what is not. We will have to work on it.
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In more friendly news, Benjamin is warming more and more to this whole "big brother" thing. We first told Benjamin about the pregnancy when I was about 11 weeks along and had just heard a healthy heartbeat again. We told him he was going to be a big brother. He didn't get it at all. He said "maybe later" and wanted to go back to playing. We tried saying a baby was coming but he didn't get it. I would mention it here and there trying to get it to sink in for him. He usually responded with "not now" "I don't want to", and one time with the oh-so-adorable "I am too little". I added in the information that baby was growing in my belly. This somehow seemed to make it more real for him.
The first time he acknowledged the baby was because I was morning sick. He asked if I was OK when I was gagging/retching while changing him one morning. I said I was fine, that sometimes the baby made me a little sick. About ten minutes later as we got ready to leave, and I gagged again, he said "Baby make you sick?" and pointed at my stomach. I said yes! But I was OK, and told Ben his hug made me "all better". A couple weeks later, Benjamin agreed to wear his "I'm a big brother" shirt to daycare. I asked him right before dropping him off if he was going to be a big brother, to make sure he would respond OK (and not freak out), and he said yes. Apparently he spent most that day though telling the daycare workers he would be a big sister. LOL.
It seemed to become even more real for him last week when we told him it was a girl and he would have a little sister. He has started talking about the baby in a loving voice, and wanting to see my belly. Over the weekend he asked if the baby likes trains, and with some prompting says he will have to teach her about trains and how to do puzzles. He even said "MY baby" tonight when talking about it. It was quite adorable.
As soon as we left the toddler room I sat him down to talk to him. I asked if he had done what they said, and he said he had, that it was funny. I said it wasn't funny, it was mean, very mean, and he shouldn't be mean. He seemed to get it, but I wasn't sure. Later, when DH joined us in the car, I told Benjamin to tell Dad why he got in trouble. Benjamin very reluctantly said "I dumped my oatmeal on someones head". DH said it wasn't nice. I said it wasn't nice. You could feel the tension in the car. A few seconds past, then DS said in the most pitiful, guilty-feeling voice ever - "Next time I will eat my oatmeal". I am pretty sure he gets he shouldn't dump oatmeal on someones head now... I just hope he can extrapolate it a bit to other behavior. At a minimum, to "I shouldn't dump food on other people". If we are lucky it would be "I won't be mean". But, I don't think he is old enough to understand what is mean and what is not. We will have to work on it.
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In more friendly news, Benjamin is warming more and more to this whole "big brother" thing. We first told Benjamin about the pregnancy when I was about 11 weeks along and had just heard a healthy heartbeat again. We told him he was going to be a big brother. He didn't get it at all. He said "maybe later" and wanted to go back to playing. We tried saying a baby was coming but he didn't get it. I would mention it here and there trying to get it to sink in for him. He usually responded with "not now" "I don't want to", and one time with the oh-so-adorable "I am too little". I added in the information that baby was growing in my belly. This somehow seemed to make it more real for him.
The first time he acknowledged the baby was because I was morning sick. He asked if I was OK when I was gagging/retching while changing him one morning. I said I was fine, that sometimes the baby made me a little sick. About ten minutes later as we got ready to leave, and I gagged again, he said "Baby make you sick?" and pointed at my stomach. I said yes! But I was OK, and told Ben his hug made me "all better". A couple weeks later, Benjamin agreed to wear his "I'm a big brother" shirt to daycare. I asked him right before dropping him off if he was going to be a big brother, to make sure he would respond OK (and not freak out), and he said yes. Apparently he spent most that day though telling the daycare workers he would be a big sister. LOL.
It seemed to become even more real for him last week when we told him it was a girl and he would have a little sister. He has started talking about the baby in a loving voice, and wanting to see my belly. Over the weekend he asked if the baby likes trains, and with some prompting says he will have to teach her about trains and how to do puzzles. He even said "MY baby" tonight when talking about it. It was quite adorable.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
The WHOLE Story - Secondary Infertility
DH and I started hoping I would get pregnant again pretty much the day my son was born. We had heard the stories - how sometimes people who struggled with primary fertility (first time), had no issues the second time around. We wanted to be that couple. The freak small percentage who get pregnant again before they even get their normal cycles back. Irish Twins were on my mind. I think the main reason I wanted this so badly is because I was so afraid of the opposite... of a long secondary infertility struggle (secondary meaning after a successful first child) that would result in months (years) of heartache and maybe leave Benjamin an only child. I was relieved when at my 6 week post-partum check my nurse understood why we didn't want birth control and didn't push the issue. That said, I knew it was unlikely. Breast feeding is about 85% effective as birth control, and when you add our history of infertility on to that, I knew it probably wasn't happening. But a girl can dream.
Our infertility is unexplained, like many other couples. This means that the doctors cannot give a concrete reason things aren't working, time just shows they aren't. Because of this non-diagnosis, we decided to not jump right back to IF treatment, but rather to give mother nature a bit of a chance. So, when my period returned 6m post-partum, the real journey began. We officially (not just in my fantasy world) returned to TTC (trying to conceive). Any woman who has ever tried to get pregnant knows what this means to some degree. Its a stressful time, and every month that passes with a BFN (big fat negative) is more stressful, and more depressing. Let me tell you... it IS easier the second time around. It is easier being disappointed month after month when you can turn away from the bathroom and watch your son run laughing down the hall. But its still hard. I found my "symptoms" ... my infertility mindset, returning piece by piece. Bitterness. Anger. Frustration. They really came back into full swing around July 2013, when we had officially been trying a year with no success (this is the definition of infertility... a year of trying with no success). No longer was I experiencing "probable" secondary infertility, now it was real. Any doctor would refer me to a specialist and suggest I start considering my options for treatment. I found myself having extremely selective jealousy. I didn't fault first time mom's for having their first child, but man, all those women with toddlers around Benjamin's age who had already provided a sibling or were announcing their pregnancies? That stung, that stung a lot.
As we approached the end of the year, we also approached the "time limit" we had agreed upon for letting nature take its course. Anticipating IF Treatment in 2014, we changed insurance providers to one that has some coverage. I started to give up. Even as I was eager to stop facing month after month of bad outcome, I started to dread all of the appointments and stress that goes along with treatment. Every passing day I was less convinced we could avoid treatment, but I still procrastinated on making the call to set up that first appointment. The thing about IF treatment is that is simultaneously offers more hope, and means your closer to the point where nothing more can be done. This is especially true in our case where we know exactly what treatment we would be trying, and, if it fails, how bad it would be for us emotionally, and how much "back at the beginning" we would be.
November came. Two months left before our time limit. November went, and my cycle didn't end. I still was getting a negative pregnancy test, but something was obviously not right. Finally, several days late, my period came, and was very light. I highly suspected an anovulatory cycle (no ovulation - no chance of pregnancy). Of all the problems I was used to facing, I had always believed I had at least a chance every month, so to find out that in November I hadn't even had a shred of a chance was crushing. I emailed the doctor and asked for an infertility appointment. I had pretty much lost all hope of getting pregnant on my own and was at a pretty low point.
December proceeded. I focused on the holidays and travel plans. TTC was still on the back of my mind (isn't it always), but felt pointless. We traveled down to Kansas and had a fun Christmas with my In Laws, and I enjoyed time as a family trying mostly not to think about our infertility struggle, hard to do when there is an 8 day old baby at the family party, but it was a great trip.
We got home (in stages). I had people over for a fun game night on New Years. We celebrated Benjamin's second birthday. Our guests all left and we prepared ourselves to settle back into our normal routine. My infertility appointment was scheduled for Monday, January 6th, first thing in the morning. I was two or three days late and assumed I was having another annovulatory cycle. On Monday morning though, just to make sure I had all the information for my doctors appointment, I decided to take a pregnancy test.
It is hard to explain to people how much of a shock/surprise it was that the test came up positive. I can almost feel people thinking "but you were trying" "but your period was late" when I tell them this story. But, it was truly the shock of my life. When you have actively tried to get pregnant for 48 months of your life, and took many many many pregnancy tests that were all negative, over and over and over, when you have given up hope and assumed that it was time to move into treatment,when you have just came off of one of the more devastating cycles the month before, that second faintly pink line is truly unbelievable. It is the first positive pregnancy test I have seen in person in my life. We didn't have one with Benjamin because we had blood work done instead. When that second line showed up, I started shaking. I stood there in my bath robe starring at it, waiting for it to disappear, thinking "this cannot be real, no way is this real". My first impulse was to not tell DH, but to go get it confirmed by my doctor. I didn't believe it and didn't want to drag him into the "false" hope. But, rationality one out. I knew that pregnancy tests have virtually no false positives, that even though I couldn't believe it I was most certainly pregnant, and he would want to know (had a RIGHT to know). So, I went and got him out of the bedroom. I said "can you come here for a minute?". He came into the bathroom and I pointed at the test. I think he was in as much shock as me, but more excited/less paranoid! (You would have to ask him). He was thrilled. I told him that I would go to my doctors appointment and get blood work done to make sure it all added up. And we very anxiously/excitedly went on with our morning.
I can tell you, I shocked the nurse practitioner when I said "I know this appointment is for infertility consult, but I took a pregnancy test this morning and I am pregnant". She was thrilled for us and obliged with a blood draw, and got me an appointment with the OBGYN office. Noon that day I checked my online blood results and got confirmation that indeed I was pregnant. DH of course started telling work IMMEDIATELY. He called and told his parents too. He can't keep secrets, and I knew that even though I was nervous, keeping it secret wouldn't do any good or make it easier if something didn't turn out. So, I texted all my closest friends, and we went and told my parents that evening (and called siblings). The rest is history (I actually might write a whole second post about how this pregnancy has felt emotionally different then the last, but I think this post has grown long enough).
One last list of funny/weird/ironic things:
Things I did in the 10 days before finding out I was pregnant -
- Pulled out a big unpacked box of clothes from our crawl space, intending to purge and re-pack it. Most of it is maternity clothes.
- Bitterly took "Your going to use the Potty" and left "Your going to be a Big Brother" in the kids section at the libary.
- Told my mother-in-law "There is NO WAY I am pregnant", despite being in my two week wait, because I had totally given up hope.
- (This is the weirdest, in my opinion) Found an "I'm a Big Brother!" Sweatshirt in my sons room. It was a hand-me-down freebie that I had not taken out because it obviously didn't apply. I assume the cats dragged it out of his closet while we were out of town.
Also, when we told my parents I was pregnant, my mom said that several months ago we had asked DH when we would be having a second. She says that DH told her "January". DH does not remember this. I assumed he meant that is when we would start IF treatment, but its still kinda weird.
Our infertility is unexplained, like many other couples. This means that the doctors cannot give a concrete reason things aren't working, time just shows they aren't. Because of this non-diagnosis, we decided to not jump right back to IF treatment, but rather to give mother nature a bit of a chance. So, when my period returned 6m post-partum, the real journey began. We officially (not just in my fantasy world) returned to TTC (trying to conceive). Any woman who has ever tried to get pregnant knows what this means to some degree. Its a stressful time, and every month that passes with a BFN (big fat negative) is more stressful, and more depressing. Let me tell you... it IS easier the second time around. It is easier being disappointed month after month when you can turn away from the bathroom and watch your son run laughing down the hall. But its still hard. I found my "symptoms" ... my infertility mindset, returning piece by piece. Bitterness. Anger. Frustration. They really came back into full swing around July 2013, when we had officially been trying a year with no success (this is the definition of infertility... a year of trying with no success). No longer was I experiencing "probable" secondary infertility, now it was real. Any doctor would refer me to a specialist and suggest I start considering my options for treatment. I found myself having extremely selective jealousy. I didn't fault first time mom's for having their first child, but man, all those women with toddlers around Benjamin's age who had already provided a sibling or were announcing their pregnancies? That stung, that stung a lot.
As we approached the end of the year, we also approached the "time limit" we had agreed upon for letting nature take its course. Anticipating IF Treatment in 2014, we changed insurance providers to one that has some coverage. I started to give up. Even as I was eager to stop facing month after month of bad outcome, I started to dread all of the appointments and stress that goes along with treatment. Every passing day I was less convinced we could avoid treatment, but I still procrastinated on making the call to set up that first appointment. The thing about IF treatment is that is simultaneously offers more hope, and means your closer to the point where nothing more can be done. This is especially true in our case where we know exactly what treatment we would be trying, and, if it fails, how bad it would be for us emotionally, and how much "back at the beginning" we would be.
November came. Two months left before our time limit. November went, and my cycle didn't end. I still was getting a negative pregnancy test, but something was obviously not right. Finally, several days late, my period came, and was very light. I highly suspected an anovulatory cycle (no ovulation - no chance of pregnancy). Of all the problems I was used to facing, I had always believed I had at least a chance every month, so to find out that in November I hadn't even had a shred of a chance was crushing. I emailed the doctor and asked for an infertility appointment. I had pretty much lost all hope of getting pregnant on my own and was at a pretty low point.
December proceeded. I focused on the holidays and travel plans. TTC was still on the back of my mind (isn't it always), but felt pointless. We traveled down to Kansas and had a fun Christmas with my In Laws, and I enjoyed time as a family trying mostly not to think about our infertility struggle, hard to do when there is an 8 day old baby at the family party, but it was a great trip.
We got home (in stages). I had people over for a fun game night on New Years. We celebrated Benjamin's second birthday. Our guests all left and we prepared ourselves to settle back into our normal routine. My infertility appointment was scheduled for Monday, January 6th, first thing in the morning. I was two or three days late and assumed I was having another annovulatory cycle. On Monday morning though, just to make sure I had all the information for my doctors appointment, I decided to take a pregnancy test.
It is hard to explain to people how much of a shock/surprise it was that the test came up positive. I can almost feel people thinking "but you were trying" "but your period was late" when I tell them this story. But, it was truly the shock of my life. When you have actively tried to get pregnant for 48 months of your life, and took many many many pregnancy tests that were all negative, over and over and over, when you have given up hope and assumed that it was time to move into treatment,when you have just came off of one of the more devastating cycles the month before, that second faintly pink line is truly unbelievable. It is the first positive pregnancy test I have seen in person in my life. We didn't have one with Benjamin because we had blood work done instead. When that second line showed up, I started shaking. I stood there in my bath robe starring at it, waiting for it to disappear, thinking "this cannot be real, no way is this real". My first impulse was to not tell DH, but to go get it confirmed by my doctor. I didn't believe it and didn't want to drag him into the "false" hope. But, rationality one out. I knew that pregnancy tests have virtually no false positives, that even though I couldn't believe it I was most certainly pregnant, and he would want to know (had a RIGHT to know). So, I went and got him out of the bedroom. I said "can you come here for a minute?". He came into the bathroom and I pointed at the test. I think he was in as much shock as me, but more excited/less paranoid! (You would have to ask him). He was thrilled. I told him that I would go to my doctors appointment and get blood work done to make sure it all added up. And we very anxiously/excitedly went on with our morning.
I can tell you, I shocked the nurse practitioner when I said "I know this appointment is for infertility consult, but I took a pregnancy test this morning and I am pregnant". She was thrilled for us and obliged with a blood draw, and got me an appointment with the OBGYN office. Noon that day I checked my online blood results and got confirmation that indeed I was pregnant. DH of course started telling work IMMEDIATELY. He called and told his parents too. He can't keep secrets, and I knew that even though I was nervous, keeping it secret wouldn't do any good or make it easier if something didn't turn out. So, I texted all my closest friends, and we went and told my parents that evening (and called siblings). The rest is history (I actually might write a whole second post about how this pregnancy has felt emotionally different then the last, but I think this post has grown long enough).
One last list of funny/weird/ironic things:
Things I did in the 10 days before finding out I was pregnant -
- Pulled out a big unpacked box of clothes from our crawl space, intending to purge and re-pack it. Most of it is maternity clothes.
- Bitterly took "Your going to use the Potty" and left "Your going to be a Big Brother" in the kids section at the libary.
- Told my mother-in-law "There is NO WAY I am pregnant", despite being in my two week wait, because I had totally given up hope.
- (This is the weirdest, in my opinion) Found an "I'm a Big Brother!" Sweatshirt in my sons room. It was a hand-me-down freebie that I had not taken out because it obviously didn't apply. I assume the cats dragged it out of his closet while we were out of town.
Also, when we told my parents I was pregnant, my mom said that several months ago we had asked DH when we would be having a second. She says that DH told her "January". DH does not remember this. I assumed he meant that is when we would start IF treatment, but its still kinda weird.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Spring Festival/Easter 2014
I didn't do much to prepare for Easter this year. Heck, we didn't tell Benjamin what the Easter bunny is until last night. Yet it still turned out to be a great holiday.
On Saturday, after what now is our routine of swimming lesson followed by Starbucks followed by the library...
Allow me to digress. Hilarious conversation with Benjamin right after swimming.
Ben: I want to go to the Library
DH: The library is closed. We will go to Starbucks first, then the Library will be open.
Ben: No! Starbucks is closed. The library is open. I want to go to the library.
Me: Benjamin, that's not how language works.
Ben: Yes that IS how language works.
and also after a nap for Benjamin, we headed out to my parents house for an Easter Egg Dyeing party. The adults got set up in the living room doing Ukrainian Easter Eggs (also known as Pysanka) while we set up the traditional PAAS dyes for Benjamin in the kitchen. (Meanwhile, the majority of the family dogs raced around outside and found some deer parts to chew on). The guest list included my parents, older sister, her husband, her FIL, MIL, and Grandma IL, my brother and his wife, my little sister, and us three. I have discussed Ukrainian eggs before. Its an old art form that involves covering an egg in wax to preserve one color dye before dipping it in the next color. It is a lot of fun. We seem to manage to do it about every other year.
Ben and egg dye... that was hilarious. We had both the regular dye kit, as well as these painting devices from PAAS. Benjamin did not understand he should be careful with the eggs. The first couple he pretty much dropped from 6 inches into the cups. I am sure it didn't help that this cracked us all up. Also, he kept tasting the dye. The boy must like vinegar. Once he had an egg in all six cups, he said "are we done?" and ran off. Then, when he figured out we could CHOOSE when to take the eggs out, he proceeded to leave them in for a LOOOOONG time. There were four eggs that he left in the dye so long that they were actually having dye peel off of them when we tried to dry them off. LOL! The painting devices... I think they call them Color Snaps, they are pretty cool. Its basically like a quip-tip that is pre-filled with dye, and when you snap them open the dye flows into one end of the quip-tip turning it into a paintbrush. This means you can add the spots and strips to the eggs easily (you know, like how Easter eggs are always portrayed in books). The one egg Benjamin used these on is gorgeous. Unfortunately he also decided to put it in his mouth, dyeing himself bright green/blue, so we decided not to do anymore. I plan to get more of these for sure for next year.
Saturday night when I was putting Benjamin's pajamas on, I explained that tomorrow was Easter, that the Easter bunny would come and hide eggs and leave him treats. His immediate reaction was fear ("I don't want the bunny to come"), but after some discussion of the fact the bunny was nice, and there would be candy involved, he decided it was OK.
This morning Benjamin got up around 7. At first he wanted to stay up stairs and read books (pretty typical), but then we reminded him about Easter and he was so gung-ho he didn't even want to bring his stuffed friends down (not typical). He walked down the steps and immediately spotted the Easter Eggs. He chose one, picked it up and opened it, found the M&M inside, looked at me as he acted like he was going to put it in his mouth. I nodded, he put it in, bit into it, and a BIG grin spread across his face. Really big. Funny how fast he found more eggs after that! He shared his M&Ms with us and was very excited and smiley. We helped him find some of the harder eggs. When they were all found we opened a couple of gifts from his Grandparents (my ILs). They got him a copy of "What does the Fox Say" picture book, as well as The Fox and the Hound Disney movie, both to go along with his requested stuffed fox, which he is absolutely in love with. (There were other gifts for the family as well, thank you N&N!!). What great gift choices. We read the book pretty much immediately, listened to the song and danced around, and then a bit later watched a good chunk of the movie, which he really paid attention to.
After a morning nap for Benjamin (not the usual routine but we wanted to squeeze it in), we headed up to Two Harbors to go for Easter Brunch. The resort had lots of stuffed animals (as in formerly living, now stuffed), and Ben loved looking at them. Unfortunately he wasn't very interested in eating, which is sort of a theme now. After that we took him back to my parents house, stuck some rain boots over his dress clothes, and let him play in the mud. The weather was SO gorgeous. It was nice to just sit outside in the sun and soak up the rays. It was a really great Easter.
------
For those of you who have stuck with it this long. I am sure you already know this, I have announced it pretty much everywhere EXCEPT here. It seems fitting, on this day that celebrates Spring Renewal, new life and fertility, that I take the final steps in making public that I am expecting a baby! Due date is September 12th, meaning I am 18w2d today. This has been part of the cause of my blog silence. Hard to talk about my life when there is something so big I didn't want to post about yet.
On Saturday, after what now is our routine of swimming lesson followed by Starbucks followed by the library...
Allow me to digress. Hilarious conversation with Benjamin right after swimming.
Ben: I want to go to the Library
DH: The library is closed. We will go to Starbucks first, then the Library will be open.
Ben: No! Starbucks is closed. The library is open. I want to go to the library.
Me: Benjamin, that's not how language works.
Ben: Yes that IS how language works.
and also after a nap for Benjamin, we headed out to my parents house for an Easter Egg Dyeing party. The adults got set up in the living room doing Ukrainian Easter Eggs (also known as Pysanka) while we set up the traditional PAAS dyes for Benjamin in the kitchen. (Meanwhile, the majority of the family dogs raced around outside and found some deer parts to chew on). The guest list included my parents, older sister, her husband, her FIL, MIL, and Grandma IL, my brother and his wife, my little sister, and us three. I have discussed Ukrainian eggs before. Its an old art form that involves covering an egg in wax to preserve one color dye before dipping it in the next color. It is a lot of fun. We seem to manage to do it about every other year.
Ben and egg dye... that was hilarious. We had both the regular dye kit, as well as these painting devices from PAAS. Benjamin did not understand he should be careful with the eggs. The first couple he pretty much dropped from 6 inches into the cups. I am sure it didn't help that this cracked us all up. Also, he kept tasting the dye. The boy must like vinegar. Once he had an egg in all six cups, he said "are we done?" and ran off. Then, when he figured out we could CHOOSE when to take the eggs out, he proceeded to leave them in for a LOOOOONG time. There were four eggs that he left in the dye so long that they were actually having dye peel off of them when we tried to dry them off. LOL! The painting devices... I think they call them Color Snaps, they are pretty cool. Its basically like a quip-tip that is pre-filled with dye, and when you snap them open the dye flows into one end of the quip-tip turning it into a paintbrush. This means you can add the spots and strips to the eggs easily (you know, like how Easter eggs are always portrayed in books). The one egg Benjamin used these on is gorgeous. Unfortunately he also decided to put it in his mouth, dyeing himself bright green/blue, so we decided not to do anymore. I plan to get more of these for sure for next year.
Saturday night when I was putting Benjamin's pajamas on, I explained that tomorrow was Easter, that the Easter bunny would come and hide eggs and leave him treats. His immediate reaction was fear ("I don't want the bunny to come"), but after some discussion of the fact the bunny was nice, and there would be candy involved, he decided it was OK.
This morning Benjamin got up around 7. At first he wanted to stay up stairs and read books (pretty typical), but then we reminded him about Easter and he was so gung-ho he didn't even want to bring his stuffed friends down (not typical). He walked down the steps and immediately spotted the Easter Eggs. He chose one, picked it up and opened it, found the M&M inside, looked at me as he acted like he was going to put it in his mouth. I nodded, he put it in, bit into it, and a BIG grin spread across his face. Really big. Funny how fast he found more eggs after that! He shared his M&Ms with us and was very excited and smiley. We helped him find some of the harder eggs. When they were all found we opened a couple of gifts from his Grandparents (my ILs). They got him a copy of "What does the Fox Say" picture book, as well as The Fox and the Hound Disney movie, both to go along with his requested stuffed fox, which he is absolutely in love with. (There were other gifts for the family as well, thank you N&N!!). What great gift choices. We read the book pretty much immediately, listened to the song and danced around, and then a bit later watched a good chunk of the movie, which he really paid attention to.
After a morning nap for Benjamin (not the usual routine but we wanted to squeeze it in), we headed up to Two Harbors to go for Easter Brunch. The resort had lots of stuffed animals (as in formerly living, now stuffed), and Ben loved looking at them. Unfortunately he wasn't very interested in eating, which is sort of a theme now. After that we took him back to my parents house, stuck some rain boots over his dress clothes, and let him play in the mud. The weather was SO gorgeous. It was nice to just sit outside in the sun and soak up the rays. It was a really great Easter.
------
For those of you who have stuck with it this long. I am sure you already know this, I have announced it pretty much everywhere EXCEPT here. It seems fitting, on this day that celebrates Spring Renewal, new life and fertility, that I take the final steps in making public that I am expecting a baby! Due date is September 12th, meaning I am 18w2d today. This has been part of the cause of my blog silence. Hard to talk about my life when there is something so big I didn't want to post about yet.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Hodge Podge
So, its been over a month since I got on here. I haven't been doing much besides wasting time!! Life is like that sometimes. I am posting because I feel like I should, not because I have a purpose, so bear with me.
A lot has happened in the last month. Most recently, we have been battling a string of diseases and health issues. None of it has been serious, just annoying. Ben was kicked out daycare for a day or two last week, and I will be surprised if he makes it through this coming week without getting kicked out at least once. We will see what happens. Hopefully we all feel better soon.
After a month of more harsh winter weather, another blizzard that really buried us, and many many many more days of subzero temperatures, today is warm. Tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer, and Monday practically tropical (I have heard the temperature 50 mentioned in some forecasts!). After even one day of the warmth you can see the snow levels dropping, the banks are not quite as high. I have no delusion that winter is over. I am sure we will still get some more snow and some cold temperatures, but its nice to have a break and be unburied a little. In related news, the roof coils which I so hastily installed in October (or was that November?) on our porch roof have been working nicely. We haven't had any dripping through the porch roof (its outside, but still not good), and while there is a lot of snow/ice up there, its not as much as last year.
We watched a fun independent movie on Netflix yesterday. Its kinda old - 2008, called Bottle Shock. It was pretty amusing, and I would recommend it to most of my friends. The only flaw is the resolution of the romantic element, but that is really a tiny part of the overall movie. If anyone else has seen it, I would love to discuss it. It has Alan Rickman, so you can't go wrong. I also watched a romantic comedy with David Tenant. It was pretty decent. I think my new criteria for choosing movies might be what British actors they have.
Speaking of movies, I also enjoyed watching the Oscars. Ellen was an amusing (though sometimes cheesy) host. I loved the pizza delivery stunt, and love even more that they had an actual pizza delivery guy. The main reason I am sticking this in here is because I can imagine reading back through this blog ten years from now (its pretty much my journal) and getting a laugh out of remembering this particular Oscar ceremony.
I have other topics brewing in my mind - something about "mommy culture" perhaps, some thoughts on reading/fiction in my life, some music commentary and of course, Benjamin updates along with other fun news. Sometime I will get around to posting some of it.
A lot has happened in the last month. Most recently, we have been battling a string of diseases and health issues. None of it has been serious, just annoying. Ben was kicked out daycare for a day or two last week, and I will be surprised if he makes it through this coming week without getting kicked out at least once. We will see what happens. Hopefully we all feel better soon.
After a month of more harsh winter weather, another blizzard that really buried us, and many many many more days of subzero temperatures, today is warm. Tomorrow is supposed to be even warmer, and Monday practically tropical (I have heard the temperature 50 mentioned in some forecasts!). After even one day of the warmth you can see the snow levels dropping, the banks are not quite as high. I have no delusion that winter is over. I am sure we will still get some more snow and some cold temperatures, but its nice to have a break and be unburied a little. In related news, the roof coils which I so hastily installed in October (or was that November?) on our porch roof have been working nicely. We haven't had any dripping through the porch roof (its outside, but still not good), and while there is a lot of snow/ice up there, its not as much as last year.
We watched a fun independent movie on Netflix yesterday. Its kinda old - 2008, called Bottle Shock. It was pretty amusing, and I would recommend it to most of my friends. The only flaw is the resolution of the romantic element, but that is really a tiny part of the overall movie. If anyone else has seen it, I would love to discuss it. It has Alan Rickman, so you can't go wrong. I also watched a romantic comedy with David Tenant. It was pretty decent. I think my new criteria for choosing movies might be what British actors they have.
Speaking of movies, I also enjoyed watching the Oscars. Ellen was an amusing (though sometimes cheesy) host. I loved the pizza delivery stunt, and love even more that they had an actual pizza delivery guy. The main reason I am sticking this in here is because I can imagine reading back through this blog ten years from now (its pretty much my journal) and getting a laugh out of remembering this particular Oscar ceremony.
I have other topics brewing in my mind - something about "mommy culture" perhaps, some thoughts on reading/fiction in my life, some music commentary and of course, Benjamin updates along with other fun news. Sometime I will get around to posting some of it.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Genius... but not.
Benjamin's quote of the week - "Cows don't drink water. Cows drink milk, people drink water". This of course was said in the "mama this book is being silly" voice. The astounding thing about this to me is that its a complex logic and verbal sentence, impressive for a two year old, but so hilariously wrong. We tried to explain that everything (all animals) drink water, but he wasn't buying it.
In other "genius... but not" - We argued with Benjamin this week about whether it could be both Tuesday and Friday at the same time. He thinks all negotiation is possible, that everyone can be right. If he doesn't like your answer, he doesn't insist upon his own but rather merges the two. On that particular morning, I asked him "Do you know what day it is?" (he virtually never gets this right... but I think its good to talk about the days of the week), and he answered Friday. I said "no, its Tuesday! Today you go to daycare and we go to work". He said "It's FridayTuesday"... couldn't convince him otherwise!! He is starting to also have an opinion about what time it is - which is apparently always "Eleven". I told him today "it's not eleven, it's two O-eight. His reply? "It's eleven O-Eight"
The puzzling continues. Last Sunday, for the first time, we got out a floor puzzle he got for his Birthday. It is 24 pieces and is a cartoon style map of the US with little graphics all over it that characterize the states etc. By Thursday he was doing it entirely on his own. Of course, half the time he still insists on our help even though he is better at his puzzles than DH is.
Benjamin likes to point out violin's in pictures. There are a lot of alphabet things that have violin for V. Sesame street consistently has Elmo playing a violin as their "v"picture. In the above mentioned puzzle Tennessee has a guitar on it. Benjamin think's its a violin. We tried to explain the difference several times, and even showed him videos of guitars and violins. When we played the violin video for him he said it was "singing" and was totally fascinated. Today he told me he want's to play the violin. It would be awesome if he still feels that way in a year when he is old enough to possible start lessons! I really need to get my violin out and tuned up to show him and keep his musical interest alive.
I know.. .another kid "brag" post! Some day I will come up with something else to write about, but that day is not today.
In other "genius... but not" - We argued with Benjamin this week about whether it could be both Tuesday and Friday at the same time. He thinks all negotiation is possible, that everyone can be right. If he doesn't like your answer, he doesn't insist upon his own but rather merges the two. On that particular morning, I asked him "Do you know what day it is?" (he virtually never gets this right... but I think its good to talk about the days of the week), and he answered Friday. I said "no, its Tuesday! Today you go to daycare and we go to work". He said "It's FridayTuesday"... couldn't convince him otherwise!! He is starting to also have an opinion about what time it is - which is apparently always "Eleven". I told him today "it's not eleven, it's two O-eight. His reply? "It's eleven O-Eight"
The puzzling continues. Last Sunday, for the first time, we got out a floor puzzle he got for his Birthday. It is 24 pieces and is a cartoon style map of the US with little graphics all over it that characterize the states etc. By Thursday he was doing it entirely on his own. Of course, half the time he still insists on our help even though he is better at his puzzles than DH is.
Benjamin likes to point out violin's in pictures. There are a lot of alphabet things that have violin for V. Sesame street consistently has Elmo playing a violin as their "v"picture. In the above mentioned puzzle Tennessee has a guitar on it. Benjamin think's its a violin. We tried to explain the difference several times, and even showed him videos of guitars and violins. When we played the violin video for him he said it was "singing" and was totally fascinated. Today he told me he want's to play the violin. It would be awesome if he still feels that way in a year when he is old enough to possible start lessons! I really need to get my violin out and tuned up to show him and keep his musical interest alive.
I know.. .another kid "brag" post! Some day I will come up with something else to write about, but that day is not today.
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