Questions

People act very strangely around pregnant women. I don't understand it. I get it, its exciting, and weird, that I am growing a little human.

All that weirdness just increases exponentially as the due date approaches, and if you go over the due date? Wow. People go totally crazy and stop thinking of the most basic curtesies.

THINGS NOT TO ASK/SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN AFTER HER DUE DATE
- Why haven't you been induced?
Listen, I know it may seem "easy" and you might know plenty of stories of induction "gone right", but induction is no laughing matter. Its a complicated decision and its between me and my doctor, so I don't need to hear your opinion on it. Especially if you are going to reference the experience of your daughter/sister/niece. Every situation is different. Trust me to be my own advocate, thanks.

- Are you feeling anything "Down There"?
Sometimes this is literally what is said. Other times they don't actually finish the sentence, but make a strange gesture towards your stomach/crotch area. This question seriously freaks me out. These are not people that I want to discuss my cervic, uterus, or mucous plug with. Thank you. I imagine that the people who ask you this are the same ones that after labor will ask you things like "did you tear?" .... None of your god damn business. There are much nicer, less personal ways to ask about contractions. IF you must.

- You are still here?/Still Pregnant?
I have actually had coworkers who asked this multiple times in the same day. Its extremely aggravating. The level of idiocy that underlies this question is obvious. If you are asking me this question, yes, yes I am still here. And I may not be happy about it. And I certainly don't need your expectations of my absence to be stacked upon whatever other expectations I am facing, whether they be my own or well-meaning family members. I have actually had coworkers who asked this multiple times in the same day.

- I haven't heard from you/seen you on facebook. Are you having the baby?
 I know you mean well and are just excited, but just like the question above, I really don't need all of your expectations stacked upon my own. ESPECIALLY if I am trying to make a conscious effort to keep facebook posted so you DONT do this. ESPECIALLY if I already have told you that I am trying to avoid this question. Also, you don't get "points" for being the first to figure out if I am in labor, and I guarentee you that DH and I are not patient people. We will post on facebook promptly after the baby is born.


Questions to Ask At Your Own Risk (they MIGHT be OK)
- How are you feeling? I am perfectly OK with this question. It has a nice, open-ended feel without expectation. I can answer it as specifically or generally as I like, which will probably be reflective of what my relationship with you is. I can tell you everything is OK, or that I am ready to go home, or that I am really crampy (I wish).

- When do you think he/she will come? Again, nice and open ended. I can just say "i don't know" if I am in a bad mood, but usually I don't mind telling people I think it will still be awhile. I don't mind telling them what my planned induction date is. In fact, I would like to publicize both these facts to try and prevent other stupid questions.

BTW, if you are taking notes, the above two questions are the only way to get info on contractions without sounding like you want a lesson in female anatomy.

Questions/Comments that are ALWAYS OK
- You look great! (or any variation - Your bump is so cute! I love that shirt! etc etc)
- You are doing really great! Good job hanging in there!
- Good luck with everything! Hope it goes smoothly (or any variation)
- Can I get you anything? Soda? Peanut M&Ms? Foot Rub?