I now feel like I am spending about 50% of my total energy per day trying to figure out what I can eat, make sure I am eating enough, drinking enough, and not throwing up. It is always on my mind. That leaves about 30% of my energy for work, 10% for self care like showering, brushing teeth, etc, and 10% for everything else. That everything else does not leave much room for things like housekeeping, cooking, or friends. Weekends are so much better. Being able to not work while pregnant would be amazing. Seriously. I get less nausea on weekends because I can let my body follow its natural rhythm. I get enough sleep, so the times I am awake I can be fully engaged. Ah. Days off rock.
The weird part is, despite all of this, I am starting to feel motivated again. Unfortunately, if my energy won't support it, motivation does not get me very far. Last week I started to feel motivated around Thursday. I did dishes, cooked for my cooking club, cleaned up, did laundry. I kept all this up for 2 days. Then Saturday night I got massive hives and laid on the couch doing nothing for 5 days. The other part is timing of motivation. Like, right now I want to start a load of laundry and do a few dishes. But I am at work, so this is not happening. Will I have the energy or motivation to do the above stuff at 3:45pm when I get home? Doubtful. Even more doubtful because I am going to the library to drop off way overdue books on the way home.
I know, I am a big fat whiner. So let me just make it clear before I go on that I am very happy to be pregnant and would rather be 10x sicker and more fatigued than give that up. Knowing I am pregnant boosts my spirits, which are on average pretty high. Most of the time even though I am physically miserable and unproductive I have some level of contentment or good mood underneath. (OK. Not when I was covered in hives). BUT anyways, the fact I am happy to be pregnant even if it makes me sick does not mean I feel any better physically or that its any easier to deal with the low energy. In some of the communities I circulate there is a lot of question as to who has the right to complain about what. I have heard it referred to as the "pain olympics". I typically avoid this topic because, well, most people who blog about this topic are saying how stupid the "competition" of misery is and how everyone should be understanding and supportive. My opinion is related, but not so feel good. And I am not sure I really want to get into it here and now. I will just say, that I think that in general people have a right to complain about any bad situation they are experiencing - even if it is not necessarily the same or as bad as other people's situation. But that right to complain does not mean they should expect sympathy from every one of their listeners.
Is that vague enough for you?