I have a few goals floating out there - both my New Years Resolutions and my 30x30 list. I thought I would take a minute to review them.
New Years Resolutions:
(1) Reading (10 minutes a day, 24 books in the year). -- I have not been reading everyday, but I certainly am still reading. I have read 4 books so far, not on pace to make the 24, but I am confident I will be able to!
(2) Blogging (2 posts a week) - I have posted 44 times this year, which is more than twice a week, so I am doing quite well on this front!
(3) Record keeping - I have not done Benjamin's baby book, but have been keeping lots of records via blog, journal, and camera, so I feel like I am completing this one. Instead of doing the babybook I bought I hope to put together a first year book at the end of the year.
(4) Get a Job in Duluth -- I am doing my best!
30x30:
I am sure you don't want a blow by blow account of how each of the 30 goals is going, I just want to discuss what I have done and what I hope to do next. I have been gathering information for the goals. For example, I have identified that the park for #22 is Great River Bluff State Park in the southeastern corner of Minnesota. I have also learned that the safest/best/most legal way to get to the bottom of Palisade (#19) is to kayak there, and have recruited my mom to help hook me up with someone she knows who kayaks. I have also started to eat some mushroom (#4), and to learn to cook some of the recipes mentioned in #29. For #29, I do not want to make each one once and call it done, I want to make them enough times that I feel confident that they are in my cooking repetoire. I have made pancakes once with my dad's recipe and I have made french toast once. French toast is really easy and I may already consider that one mastered. For the pancakes, I want to try some more traditional recipes and practice practice practice. We are actively looking for our forever home.
Some of the fitness related tasks will require a bit of effort on my part. (the weight loss, hiking, rollerblading, snowboarding, etc). When I got cleared to work out at 8 weeks I was motivated and did really well for a few weeks doing at home work outs, but I have fallen off the wagon. Two things recently have inspired me to get back on. (1) My older sister is training for a marathon. She completed a 20 mile run on Friday morning that ended at my parent's house. She walked up the drive looking like she was going for a stroll in the park. I would look worse after walking a mile! I am simultaneously embarrassed and inspired by how fit she is! (2) The Macerena at my brother's wedding! It had me gurgling my heart and my quads were cramping, pathetic! So its back onto the fitness wagon for me! Maybe even intensified a bit. Starting this week with watching my diet better.
Other things I really need to get on - finding an organization to volunteer with, somewhere that had repeated opportunities that allowed me to take Benjamin along would be ideal. I also need to track down a good option for going out on Lake Superior, see if I know anyone with a boat! And I should start writing, won't get anything done if I don't write!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Our First Mother's Day
Today was my first Mother's Day as a mother, it was a long time coming! We got up at our normal time, DH told me he needed help finishing my mother's day present. So I come downstairs and it is a breakfast tray that says "Our First Mother's Day", with the date and Benjamin's name, and a picture frame, and a place to put Benjamin's hand print. So we painted his little hand blue and slapped in on there! I thought I took a picture, but apparently it did not make it to this computer yet. Then DH took care of baby and made breakfast while I showered. I gave my mom her gift, and we all ate pancakes and bacon.
After some more conversation and preparation we headed out for a day up the shore. My aunt and uncle were still in town from the wedding and they wanted to experience some North Woods beauty. (Also just for my records, we started using size 3 diapers today after a number of blowouts recently. I am putting this here because we stopped to buy a pack on the way up the shore).
We went to Gooseberry Falls State Park and then to one of our favorite little "secrets" along the north shore, Iona's Beach. Then we had lunch at Northern Lights, and I took a nice nap while DH drove us home. It was a really great day and I am very appreciative to have such a great husband, mother, and son, and family to spend it with!
After some more conversation and preparation we headed out for a day up the shore. My aunt and uncle were still in town from the wedding and they wanted to experience some North Woods beauty. (Also just for my records, we started using size 3 diapers today after a number of blowouts recently. I am putting this here because we stopped to buy a pack on the way up the shore).
We went to Gooseberry Falls State Park and then to one of our favorite little "secrets" along the north shore, Iona's Beach. Then we had lunch at Northern Lights, and I took a nice nap while DH drove us home. It was a really great day and I am very appreciative to have such a great husband, mother, and son, and family to spend it with!
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| Our Beautiful Little Family at Gooseberry State Park |
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| My brother playing with Benjamin on Iona Beach |
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| Me! Nice shot with Bry and DH in the background. |
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| Grandma (my mom), me, baby, and DH on Iona Beach |
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| Fitting that my new SIL found a heart shaped rock two days after her wedding! |
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| DH holding Benjamin at Gooseberry |
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Mr and Mrs Little Brother
My little brother got married last night to a great girl. She likes cars and ice racing, she collects stegosauruses, she is afraid of biscuit cans and baby seals, she calls herself a vampire because she is a phlebotomist that works nights. She is perfect for my brother and fits into our goofy family wonderfully.
The wedding was a lot of fun! I have to admit I was a bit nervous about having baby there, whether we would be able to stay the whole time etc, but it went very smoothly. The ceremony was short and sweet, with a basic "what is marriage" speech, a reading from "The Places You'll Go" by Dr Seuss, and vows. I think a lot of people teared up during that part. Baby fell asleep as we were waiting for the wedding to begin and slept through until we applauded at the end, perfect! Then it was up to cocktail hour that involved chocolate mustaches for everyone! Yummy, and useful for disguise. Back at dinner it was a pizza buffet and wings, and an amusing DJ. The dancing was great. They don't really like being the center of attention, so most of the dances (first dance, dance w/parents, etc) rapidly evolved into everyone grooving. I found out my brother does indeed have Shakira hips as it had been rumored. Benjamin did have a bit of a meltdown during the beginning of the dancing, so I spent about an hour rocking him and letting him sleep on me, then I put him in his car seat by the table and he slept the rest of the night. The DJ several fun activities up his sleeve, the most entertaining of which was a cross between a scavenger hunt and musical chairs starting with eight participants sitting on chairs on the dance floor. They were sent off on a number of ridiculous missions, like stealing someones belt, finding someone with a tattoo etc. The best moment of the game, and perhaps the night, was when the final two contestants were instructed they needed to tuck a business card into the groom's pocket. The foot race which ensued involved grown men in suits vaulting multiple chairs, and was hilarious. The other high point of the night for me personally was the macarena... Oh how I love that song and all the good memories it brings back! My friends and I always did the "athletic" version. I got the bride and groom to try it! Instead of just swiveling your hips on the last beats of the verse you go down on the floor and rock back to throw a hand up. I tried to find a video of it, but I am not sure how to even search without watching 100s of macarena videos.
So that is it, my little brother is married. I am extremely happy for him and his new bride, and welcome her to the family!
The wedding was a lot of fun! I have to admit I was a bit nervous about having baby there, whether we would be able to stay the whole time etc, but it went very smoothly. The ceremony was short and sweet, with a basic "what is marriage" speech, a reading from "The Places You'll Go" by Dr Seuss, and vows. I think a lot of people teared up during that part. Baby fell asleep as we were waiting for the wedding to begin and slept through until we applauded at the end, perfect! Then it was up to cocktail hour that involved chocolate mustaches for everyone! Yummy, and useful for disguise. Back at dinner it was a pizza buffet and wings, and an amusing DJ. The dancing was great. They don't really like being the center of attention, so most of the dances (first dance, dance w/parents, etc) rapidly evolved into everyone grooving. I found out my brother does indeed have Shakira hips as it had been rumored. Benjamin did have a bit of a meltdown during the beginning of the dancing, so I spent about an hour rocking him and letting him sleep on me, then I put him in his car seat by the table and he slept the rest of the night. The DJ several fun activities up his sleeve, the most entertaining of which was a cross between a scavenger hunt and musical chairs starting with eight participants sitting on chairs on the dance floor. They were sent off on a number of ridiculous missions, like stealing someones belt, finding someone with a tattoo etc. The best moment of the game, and perhaps the night, was when the final two contestants were instructed they needed to tuck a business card into the groom's pocket. The foot race which ensued involved grown men in suits vaulting multiple chairs, and was hilarious. The other high point of the night for me personally was the macarena... Oh how I love that song and all the good memories it brings back! My friends and I always did the "athletic" version. I got the bride and groom to try it! Instead of just swiveling your hips on the last beats of the verse you go down on the floor and rock back to throw a hand up. I tried to find a video of it, but I am not sure how to even search without watching 100s of macarena videos.
So that is it, my little brother is married. I am extremely happy for him and his new bride, and welcome her to the family!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Worry Wart
Parenthood is full of worries, I knew this going in. When we finally got the confirmation we were pregnant and saw the heart beat at 6 weeks the doctor said "You will worry about this being from now until one of you dies, welcome to parenthood". I think its a great line (he has probably used it a million times), and I have repeated it to people I know who are struggling with parental worries.
So what exactly does the parent of a 4 month old worry about? There are the obvious things of course: health and safety, but then there are a plethora of things I never thought I would be thinking about. Here are some examples:
- Am I stimulating him enough for his intellectual development?
- Should I be doing more? Talking to him more? Singing More? Playing more?
- Should I be doing less? Am I coddling him?
- Is he getting enough tummy time? Back time? Am I slowing down his motor development by holding him too much?
- Should I be holding him more to keep him from getting and flat head?
- Do I have the right toys and enough toys or is he bored?
- Do I offer him too many toys, is he over stimulated?
(sensing a pattern yet?)
- Do I help him too much so he won't learn to grab?
- Do I not help him enough/is he overly frustrated?
- Am I creating bad habits by the way I give him a lot of attention as he goes to sleep?
- Am I missing out on valuable bonding by not giving him more attention as he goes to sleep?
These are all little day to day things that can also be described as "mommy guilt"... no matter what you are doing as a mother you always thing you could/should be doing something more/different. Before being a mother I knew what mommy guilt was academically but did not realize how pervasive it would be and how inescapable it is even for someone pretty laid back.
All of this worry, and yet I consider myself relatively rational and lucky compared to some mothers. Lucky because I don't have to worry about whether baby is eating enough and supply and all of that type stuff that some mothers have to worry about and Benjamin has been pretty healthy. Rational because I don't worry about a lot of little things the media tells me to worry about that are more alarmist than scientific (most of these involve exposure to certain foods or chemicals or medicines etc, or critiques of certain parenting methods) and I am in general not prone to panic. When I hear a news story with an alleged threat I read up on it and decide based on the data whether to pay attention, and if I do pay attention its just changing my behavior, not panicking about what has already been done.
Of course even I have some big quasi-irrational fears. Example? Being aware of SIDS and having some preventive measures is healthy... but really it is a tiny probability, especially since I have no risk factors, yet I am overly paranoid about it, follow every SIDS rule to a tee and prefer to have DS napping near enough to me that I can either know he is breathing the entire time or check on him every 5-10 minutes. I drive my husband batty when I won't let DS sleep on the bed with us, or in his boppy unless we are right there etc.
Then there is the horror story fears. It used to be when I heard a baby horror story I thought it sucked and moved on, now they have much more of an impact. The worst stories are stories where perfectly well intentioned loving parents make a mistake that is blatantly their fault that leads to the child's death. An example, a few days ago I read a story that a woman thought she had dropped her infant son off at day care, but actually forgot/went straight to work. She found the little boy's dead body in the car seat when she went to pick him up from daycare. It sends chills down my spines and I don't even know if it is true. It's not that I think it will happen or that we are at risk for it, its a deep down sympathy reaction where I realize as a mother just how horrifying it is and it disturbs me. I read this particular story right before I meant to to go sleep... needless to say I did not get to sleep easily, and I almost ended up waking up DH just for some comfort. I have heard many women say that they became more emotional or reactive to news when they became mothers, so I guess this is just a variant.
I don't know where I am going with this. What I am getting at is:
(1) Every mother worries.
(2) Every mother has some irrational fears or worries.
(3) Mommy guilt is very real.
(4) The emotional changes of motherhood are very real.
And the take home points? Don't kick yourself for worrying... or worry that you are worrying, and don't judge other mother's for worrying, even irrationally, even if their worries are different from your own.
Oh. and don't read news stories late at night.
So what exactly does the parent of a 4 month old worry about? There are the obvious things of course: health and safety, but then there are a plethora of things I never thought I would be thinking about. Here are some examples:
- Am I stimulating him enough for his intellectual development?
- Should I be doing more? Talking to him more? Singing More? Playing more?
- Should I be doing less? Am I coddling him?
- Is he getting enough tummy time? Back time? Am I slowing down his motor development by holding him too much?
- Should I be holding him more to keep him from getting and flat head?
- Do I have the right toys and enough toys or is he bored?
- Do I offer him too many toys, is he over stimulated?
(sensing a pattern yet?)
- Do I help him too much so he won't learn to grab?
- Do I not help him enough/is he overly frustrated?
- Am I creating bad habits by the way I give him a lot of attention as he goes to sleep?
- Am I missing out on valuable bonding by not giving him more attention as he goes to sleep?
These are all little day to day things that can also be described as "mommy guilt"... no matter what you are doing as a mother you always thing you could/should be doing something more/different. Before being a mother I knew what mommy guilt was academically but did not realize how pervasive it would be and how inescapable it is even for someone pretty laid back.
All of this worry, and yet I consider myself relatively rational and lucky compared to some mothers. Lucky because I don't have to worry about whether baby is eating enough and supply and all of that type stuff that some mothers have to worry about and Benjamin has been pretty healthy. Rational because I don't worry about a lot of little things the media tells me to worry about that are more alarmist than scientific (most of these involve exposure to certain foods or chemicals or medicines etc, or critiques of certain parenting methods) and I am in general not prone to panic. When I hear a news story with an alleged threat I read up on it and decide based on the data whether to pay attention, and if I do pay attention its just changing my behavior, not panicking about what has already been done.
Of course even I have some big quasi-irrational fears. Example? Being aware of SIDS and having some preventive measures is healthy... but really it is a tiny probability, especially since I have no risk factors, yet I am overly paranoid about it, follow every SIDS rule to a tee and prefer to have DS napping near enough to me that I can either know he is breathing the entire time or check on him every 5-10 minutes. I drive my husband batty when I won't let DS sleep on the bed with us, or in his boppy unless we are right there etc.
Then there is the horror story fears. It used to be when I heard a baby horror story I thought it sucked and moved on, now they have much more of an impact. The worst stories are stories where perfectly well intentioned loving parents make a mistake that is blatantly their fault that leads to the child's death. An example, a few days ago I read a story that a woman thought she had dropped her infant son off at day care, but actually forgot/went straight to work. She found the little boy's dead body in the car seat when she went to pick him up from daycare. It sends chills down my spines and I don't even know if it is true. It's not that I think it will happen or that we are at risk for it, its a deep down sympathy reaction where I realize as a mother just how horrifying it is and it disturbs me. I read this particular story right before I meant to to go sleep... needless to say I did not get to sleep easily, and I almost ended up waking up DH just for some comfort. I have heard many women say that they became more emotional or reactive to news when they became mothers, so I guess this is just a variant.
I don't know where I am going with this. What I am getting at is:
(1) Every mother worries.
(2) Every mother has some irrational fears or worries.
(3) Mommy guilt is very real.
(4) The emotional changes of motherhood are very real.
And the take home points? Don't kick yourself for worrying... or worry that you are worrying, and don't judge other mother's for worrying, even irrationally, even if their worries are different from your own.
Oh. and don't read news stories late at night.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
4 Months Old!
Benjamin turned four days old yesterday on Cinco de Mayo, and Derby Day! He seems to grow everyday! Since my last post, he has discovered his toes. I am not sure that he knows they are his, but he certainly likes to hold onto them! He has been babbling a lot and really shrieking. He likes to watch us dance and sing and generally make fools of ourselves. He likes songs that have hand motions, like Itsy Bitsy Spider (which my husband had re-written to be the pretty big spider), Princess Pat, and Little Green Frog. DH does a rousing rendition of Old McDonald's farm that involves panda bears, worms, velociraptors, and my brother living on the farm. I have a version of "The Ants go Marching" that my mom claims is totally wrong. We also sing the alphabet song (A Alligators all around, B Bursting balloons, etc). I wrote a little song to sing to him that is pretty basic but he loves it and it always gets him laughing as I poke his various body parts. It goes as follows:
You are a baby, You are a baby
Baby brows and baby eyes, baby calves and baby thighs
You are a baby.
Baby nostrils and baby nose, baby feet and baby toes
You are a baby.
Baby hair and baby ears, baby smiles and baby tears
You are a baby.
Baby tummy and baby heart, baby butt with baby farts
You are a baby.
Baby skin and baby hips, baby gums and baby lips.
You are a baby
Baby cheeks and baby chin, baby knees and baby shins
You are a baby
Baby hands and baby wiggles, baby coos and baby giggles
You are a baby, you are my baby.
Meanwhile, besides the normal age appropriate songs, we also sing some less appropriate songs. He loves it when you take his hands and do "Mmmm look at that body mmm look at that body mmmm look at that body mmm I work out" and "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah" from the song Sexy and I Know It. I also mix it with parts of Party Rock Anthem. He likes being naked or as near naked as possible and he loves skin to skin contact. Sometimes when you are changing his outfit or diaper (usually both) he gets so giggly you don't want to finish and just want to stand there and make him laugh by saying ridiculous things like "what are you laughing at?"
I have not been as diligent at picture taking, largely because my camera stopped working. I grabbed my Dad's (SLR) camera yesterday and today however and took a few pictures, some of which I absolutely love. I was tempted to post about five more here than I am, mostly various pictures of him holding the "4 Months Old" card like above, including one where he is eating the card, but I figured this is enough pictures for now.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Splish Splash
Benjamin is sleeping on the table in his boppy about two feet away from me. Adorable. Thought I would post an update about how things with him are going - as much for my own benefit (record keeping) as for yours!
The big "cute" thing this week is that he learned to splash water during his bath. He has always likes his baths, which still take place in the baby bathtub that sits in the kitchen sink. On Monday I had him in there and he started splashing and smiling. Based on how wet I got, it may be time to move him to the tub! But the sink is much easier on our back of course! Actually today is bath day as well, once he wakes up!
For the past 7-10 days he has had what I would call a sleep regression. I mean, his sleep never got great, but it was getting better, then boom, he was up all the time, not just to eat, but with gas, or just for no reason, and for the first time since he was born I had trouble getting him back to sleep sometimes. It has been pretty tough, but there is a glimmer of hope. Last night he slept more like he was doing before the regression - from 9pm to 2:45am and 3am to 6am. What more could a mother want? LOL.
With the sleep regression there also was other changes - general fussiness, wanting to eat more often, wanting his pacifier more. We thought he might even be teething, though it was early, but I have no idea what to look for. He also has had some separation anxiety and has been difficult for my mother to babysit. Basically, I think he has been having a growth spurt with all the fun things that come with it. I am hoping last night means its over... for now.
The big "cute" thing this week is that he learned to splash water during his bath. He has always likes his baths, which still take place in the baby bathtub that sits in the kitchen sink. On Monday I had him in there and he started splashing and smiling. Based on how wet I got, it may be time to move him to the tub! But the sink is much easier on our back of course! Actually today is bath day as well, once he wakes up!
For the past 7-10 days he has had what I would call a sleep regression. I mean, his sleep never got great, but it was getting better, then boom, he was up all the time, not just to eat, but with gas, or just for no reason, and for the first time since he was born I had trouble getting him back to sleep sometimes. It has been pretty tough, but there is a glimmer of hope. Last night he slept more like he was doing before the regression - from 9pm to 2:45am and 3am to 6am. What more could a mother want? LOL.
With the sleep regression there also was other changes - general fussiness, wanting to eat more often, wanting his pacifier more. We thought he might even be teething, though it was early, but I have no idea what to look for. He also has had some separation anxiety and has been difficult for my mother to babysit. Basically, I think he has been having a growth spurt with all the fun things that come with it. I am hoping last night means its over... for now.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Meet Up
I joined an internet group for Duluth mothers on Meet Up. I am hoping to make some new friends, ideally a couple who have kids around the same age as Benjamin. After backing out twice, I finally made it to an event yesterday - May Day coffee. It was sort of a drive but I figured it would be worth it if I met some interesting people. My conclusion? Meeting people is hard.
I arrived at the coffee shop about five minutes early and headed in. A woman was there with her baby. I introduced myself and we started chatting. Her son is 7 months old and a real cutie. I ordered a drink. A third woman, the organizer, came in with two boys (6 yrs, and 20 months). She had us move to a different part of the shop and we sat down. I felt all awkward and in the way with my infant seat and diaper bag. It was just us three for awhile and it was OK, I just felt like I was on a different wave length than the organizer was, but I was enjoying getting to know the other woman w/the 7 month old. We had some in common because we are both first time moms, both new to the meet up group, and she just bought a house. Then more woman began to come with kids of all ages. There were six women in total. While more women were coming in Benjamin started to get fussy so I got the bottle out to feed him, only to discover it had leaked all over my diaper bag, meaning I did not have food for him and I had a giant mess. I tried to give him the ounce that was left but the bottle kept leaking. We were both covered in milk. I knew I should just feed him. I am all for breast feeding in public in theory, but have NO experience really. When I am out and about I always just stop in the car to feed him, or in a nice nursing room at the mall. But I knew it was either feed him or leave, so I went ahead and did it very awkwardly. I must have looked ridiculous trying to juggle him etc, and the fact I had just tried to give him a bottle, and I hardly knew these women. (I was not the only one breastfeeding, but the other woman clearly was a pro). *sigh* totally ridiculous. When he was done eating, there were all these woman settled in and I had no idea who they were, and they all knew each other. They were all perfectly nice, but I certainly felt out of place. Then the one woman I was getting to know had to leave because her son was fussing (nap time). Then I really felt out of place and I don't think the woman on my other side liked me much. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Then Benjamin got fussy (also needing a nap) so I headed out. I didn't have a bad time, but I came home in a really bad mood for some reason. I think its just the stress of it, and the worry that I won't make friends. Meeting new people is so dang hard.
I arrived at the coffee shop about five minutes early and headed in. A woman was there with her baby. I introduced myself and we started chatting. Her son is 7 months old and a real cutie. I ordered a drink. A third woman, the organizer, came in with two boys (6 yrs, and 20 months). She had us move to a different part of the shop and we sat down. I felt all awkward and in the way with my infant seat and diaper bag. It was just us three for awhile and it was OK, I just felt like I was on a different wave length than the organizer was, but I was enjoying getting to know the other woman w/the 7 month old. We had some in common because we are both first time moms, both new to the meet up group, and she just bought a house. Then more woman began to come with kids of all ages. There were six women in total. While more women were coming in Benjamin started to get fussy so I got the bottle out to feed him, only to discover it had leaked all over my diaper bag, meaning I did not have food for him and I had a giant mess. I tried to give him the ounce that was left but the bottle kept leaking. We were both covered in milk. I knew I should just feed him. I am all for breast feeding in public in theory, but have NO experience really. When I am out and about I always just stop in the car to feed him, or in a nice nursing room at the mall. But I knew it was either feed him or leave, so I went ahead and did it very awkwardly. I must have looked ridiculous trying to juggle him etc, and the fact I had just tried to give him a bottle, and I hardly knew these women. (I was not the only one breastfeeding, but the other woman clearly was a pro). *sigh* totally ridiculous. When he was done eating, there were all these woman settled in and I had no idea who they were, and they all knew each other. They were all perfectly nice, but I certainly felt out of place. Then the one woman I was getting to know had to leave because her son was fussing (nap time). Then I really felt out of place and I don't think the woman on my other side liked me much. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Then Benjamin got fussy (also needing a nap) so I headed out. I didn't have a bad time, but I came home in a really bad mood for some reason. I think its just the stress of it, and the worry that I won't make friends. Meeting new people is so dang hard.
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