I joined an internet group for Duluth mothers on Meet Up. I am hoping to make some new friends, ideally a couple who have kids around the same age as Benjamin. After backing out twice, I finally made it to an event yesterday - May Day coffee. It was sort of a drive but I figured it would be worth it if I met some interesting people. My conclusion? Meeting people is hard.
I arrived at the coffee shop about five minutes early and headed in. A woman was there with her baby. I introduced myself and we started chatting. Her son is 7 months old and a real cutie. I ordered a drink. A third woman, the organizer, came in with two boys (6 yrs, and 20 months). She had us move to a different part of the shop and we sat down. I felt all awkward and in the way with my infant seat and diaper bag. It was just us three for awhile and it was OK, I just felt like I was on a different wave length than the organizer was, but I was enjoying getting to know the other woman w/the 7 month old. We had some in common because we are both first time moms, both new to the meet up group, and she just bought a house. Then more woman began to come with kids of all ages. There were six women in total. While more women were coming in Benjamin started to get fussy so I got the bottle out to feed him, only to discover it had leaked all over my diaper bag, meaning I did not have food for him and I had a giant mess. I tried to give him the ounce that was left but the bottle kept leaking. We were both covered in milk. I knew I should just feed him. I am all for breast feeding in public in theory, but have NO experience really. When I am out and about I always just stop in the car to feed him, or in a nice nursing room at the mall. But I knew it was either feed him or leave, so I went ahead and did it very awkwardly. I must have looked ridiculous trying to juggle him etc, and the fact I had just tried to give him a bottle, and I hardly knew these women. (I was not the only one breastfeeding, but the other woman clearly was a pro). *sigh* totally ridiculous. When he was done eating, there were all these woman settled in and I had no idea who they were, and they all knew each other. They were all perfectly nice, but I certainly felt out of place. Then the one woman I was getting to know had to leave because her son was fussing (nap time). Then I really felt out of place and I don't think the woman on my other side liked me much. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Then Benjamin got fussy (also needing a nap) so I headed out. I didn't have a bad time, but I came home in a really bad mood for some reason. I think its just the stress of it, and the worry that I won't make friends. Meeting new people is so dang hard.