Big Mama's Boy

Benjamin had his 4 month appointment on Tuesday. He is a big growing boy! He weighed 16 lbs 4 oz (75th percentile), and is 26.5" long (90th percentile). It is weird how big he feels now. I think what really makes him feel bigger than even a week ago is that he is stretching out more. A week ago if I had him sleep on my chest he would be all curled up with his legs tucked under him in a fetal position, now he stretches out and lets his legs hang down and it makes him feel SO LONG.

He also had his vaccines on Tuesday and spent Tuesday night through Thursday morning with a fever and generally not himself. Luckily that cleared up in time for his Grandparent's (my ILs) to arrive Thursday afternoon. Unfortunately he was very fussy for them anyways because the way his sleep pattern had been and his growing stranger danger/separation anxiety. 

In short, Benjamin is a mama's boy, to a fault. The last few times I have needed to leave him with my mother as a babysitter he pretty much screamed the entire time. On Monday I needed to go to do some job application stuff and my mom watched him. I was gone for 90 minutes. He was OK for the first 15 minutes then screamed for the rest of the time. On Thursday my dad and mom both watched him while I went for a job interview and it went a little better, but it still involved quite a lot of "not the mama" stubborn crying. On Thursday afternoon, right after my ILs arrived I needed to go sign some documents, so I left him with a whole slew of baby sitters (both sets of grandparents, my brother, and both SILs), and he screamed the entire time I was gone (over an hour). He stopped crying about 2 seconds after they handed him back to me. Its extremely stressful for everyone involved. I feel trapped when I can't go somewhere without thinking he is at home screaming, which is pretty much accurate.

And things just got more complicated. All that job stuff? Well, I got a job; Eligibility and Enrollment representative for the medicaid/medicare portion of a large insurance company. I start June 18th. I need to find childcare. I have no idea how this is going to work. I imagine that unless something drastic changes in the next month that he will spend the first couple of days I go to work screaming his head off. The thought of it breaks my heart. I am glad and relieved to be employed, but not happy, if that makes any sense. In fact if I really stop and think about it, it makes me want to cry.

*sigh*