Gossip and Self Reflection

We all have personality flaws, insecurities, little things that make us less likable to other people than we might be. Gossiping is also human nature. So, tonight, I found myself gossiping about someones main insecurities, personality flaws that become annoying and hard to deal with. It is human nature to enjoy such conversations, to embrace and laugh at the flaws of others.

But, I think it is only fair to the person who I was gossiping about if I stop for a moment to consider what my personality flaws might be. Surely I annoy her at times as well. Surely there are things I do and ways I act that are just as insecure or just as abrasive, the question is what? It is so much easier to identify someone else's flaws than your own, the world is seen much clearer when you are viewing some straight on, rather than through your own reflection. If you read this blog and you would like to help me "guess" my flaws, go for it. (Of course, it stops being guessing once an outside party is involved! That is why no one ever partakes in such invitations).

I think my personality flaws are probably something along the lines of being judgmental, unforgiving, and perhaps even sanctimonious. I tend to think my own judgment is correct and have trouble understanding how someone else could judge it differently, particularly in certain cases. Also, I have a feeling that, due to being judgmental and unforgiving, my first impression of someone (not just the first meeting, but the way they establish themselves in my mind) greatly affects just how sanctimonious and egotistical I become. In other words, if I initially judge someone as highly intelligent and reasonable, then I will not be overly assertive with them. However,if I initially judge someone as weak or illogical or flaw-ridden, I will likely always think I am right when I get into an argument or debate with them, rather than really understanding their point of view. This is a character flaw. I imagine it must be quite frustrating for someone to be my friend when I am sure that my judgment is better than theirs. This is probably particularly a problem when my initial impression of someone is incorrect, or if they change as a person.

So what is to be done? Obviously, the point of self reflection and self criticism is to attempt to correct our flaws and become a better person, but I feel a particular resistance to changing these habits, perhaps because it would require admitting that my judgment is not always better than these people, perhaps because I enjoy judging (which is totally true, why do you think I like grading? Or writing a geography quiz?), or perhaps just because I think it is part of who I am. I have strong opinions, and I believe myself to have sound judgment. If I am proven wrong, I accept it, but most arguments are not about proof. If this is indeed the case, perhaps the best solution is not to try and change my behavior, not stop judging, but rather to allow more flexibility, to allow the images I create in my mind of people to be shaped by their behavior overtime, by how they may grow and change as a person.

Probably a good idea.