Sick Boy

Benjamin has been sick since Monday. He was extra fussy overnight Sunday to Monday and when we got up Monday I told DH that he might have a fever. Sure enough,  his temperature was about 102. This post could easily turn into a recount of what his temperature was at various times, and I don't want that. Lets just say the fever has stuck around. High measurement on Monday of 104, yesterday 106, today 104. Tuesday night was spent in the urgent care - blood work, urine testing. This morning I took him to the pediatrician - flu testing. He is on Tamiflu, antibiotics, and then of course Tylenol and Ibprofun as needed for the fever. The tamilfu is causing some vomiting (one time so far). He has spent most the days (except for his doctor appts) with my parents. I am super fortunate they have been available. His fever did not seem to get as high today as it has (the 104 measurement was at 5am), so maybe we are on the down slope? A girl can dream.

His illness has highlighted two things for me.
(1) A sick baby dominates life. I believe this is the sickest he has been. He had a sore throat ear thing back in August that was no fun, but it never seemed dangerous like this has when his fever has spiked. I am exhausted. There is the physical exhaustion of course - having him not sleep as well, getting up in the middle of the night for temp checks and medication, the extra driving to take him to my parents instead of daycare, him wanting to be carried around when I am with him. But worse than that, or more intense than that is the psychological exhaustion. All my energy has been focused on him, I have struggled to concentrate at work, I don't get much of a break in the evenings because his poor sleep or being at the doctor etc, and most of all worry worry worry. Everything else has sort of fallen to the wayside - the house is a disaster, the pets feel neglected, laundry is everywhere (dirty and clean), I have not packed my lunches I bought to pack, the fridge wreaks (we were supposed to clean it out Monday), I have not been reading for my book club that is up and coming, the car did not get taken for its oil change like we had planned... if its not sick baby related, it probably is not done. I really hope we are nearing the end of this for so many reasons.

(2) The more I deal with the medical system, the less I trust doctors. I trust medicine - the science, technology, drugs, etc. I just don't really trust those that are supposed to decide how to use them. I have NO idea why urgent care would not have ran a flu screening and strep test. I am glad they wanted to rule out more serious things like meningitis etc, but the flu test seems so basic and easy in comparison I am not sure why it got skipped. I feel like I should have gone in there with a list of tests I wanted done, but I just did not have the time or energy to research that. Even now they are just shooting in the dark with the tamiflu. I am really tempted to stop it because even if this is flu, which we won't know for sure until Monday probably (after the tamiflu is done), the tamiflu was started so late it is unlikely to have an effect. (Everything says Tamiflu should be started within 48 hrs of symptoms onset to have an effect, Benjamin got it at more like 60). And with all the testing they did, still no one did a strep screening, which could come up positive in 5 minutes possibly. WHY? I don't know. If I had stuff like this happen (doctors missing things, not knowing things I know, not using common sense, etc) once or twice I would think I just had a bad doctor, but I have seen it happen WAY to many times to attribute it to specific people. The fact is, doctors are not experts in my health. Where am I headed with this rant? I am not sure. I guess what I really am getting at is you HAVE to be your own advocate big time... and I need to remember that.

Wish us luck that Benjamin continues to improve.